“The Bhagavad Gita--that ancient Indian Yogic text--says that it is
better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of
somebody else's life with perfection.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
She stole my dream. The first thing that came to my mind while conversing with my aunt's sister, who just came from US last month, and since I've been always out of topic in such conversations, with people I barely know of, so I sorta asked her how she was doing. She has graduated and now she'd be doing Phd in the university of Alabama, oh as it gets better, she got her own apartment! I was literally envying her. But after gossiping like- Idk time went pretty fast, she's a gossiper, and very giggly I'd say, so even I had to force myself to speak.
What I understood, by talking with her, is that- I am obsessed about traveling into a new place and shopping and eating foods from street buses in US, and she- she is obsessed about being educated and building a life of her own. She is not worried about her hair, which she cut in half herself by the way, because of the heat, she is not worried about how she looks in an old out of fashion outfit, rather I say, she's not worried at all. She's happy, glowing with happiness and giggling all the time. Even having to be bored here with me, she's showing interest in whatever I've to say. I am always whining and complaining about life and actually when I think about it, I am not doing anything to fix it. I am not studying hard like her. You know why? Because my purpose of studying is very different from her. I am only in desire of having what a girl like her is having, an apartment of her own in US, I want all the shopping and wanna taste exquisite foods all around the world. I want the enjoyment, I only want the privileges. I am not in obsession for having phd in psychology, I don't even dream that far. Get a job you'd love, get payed so you can afford an apartment in an exotic city, travel, eat, enjoy. This is more like me. And this is why I'm stuck in here.
She didn't actually "steal" my dream. She is living her life. She is responsible for creating that. I am just a normal person, frustrated over my numbered success and countless failure of opportunities, envious of every successful person on earth. but I don't mean to cast a black spell on her happiness. I am happy for her, I am happy that she has it all worked out, I am happy that she's doing a great job with herself. I am just not happy for not doing what I could when she can, I guess I'm just disappointed in me.
Do I want to live a life exactly as hers? No. A bottomless no. My main trophy isn't getting a phd in psychological science. I am not a studious person, never will I be. I'd always look out for the alternative. How to get there, where I have all the freedom to spend my money on anything- where I am free to travel, to shop to date to party to go on a long drive, to taste adventure. Sadly, I want to get rid of the confinement this home offers me. I want to explore. I don't want a phd. I don't want a campus full of people competing with each other like they're on a race or something. I don't wanna have to work hard on an essay for college admission. I don't wanna remember all the needless years and B.C's of business foundations had been formed, I don't wanna memorize all that stuff. All that techniques to solve a math, a single stupid math easiest way possible. Tests do not define what I wanna be. I know what I can do, and these stupid tests that they put out for me, ain't going to stop me from being what I am, what I will, what I think I will.
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
She stole my dream. The first thing that came to my mind while conversing with my aunt's sister, who just came from US last month, and since I've been always out of topic in such conversations, with people I barely know of, so I sorta asked her how she was doing. She has graduated and now she'd be doing Phd in the university of Alabama, oh as it gets better, she got her own apartment! I was literally envying her. But after gossiping like- Idk time went pretty fast, she's a gossiper, and very giggly I'd say, so even I had to force myself to speak.
What I understood, by talking with her, is that- I am obsessed about traveling into a new place and shopping and eating foods from street buses in US, and she- she is obsessed about being educated and building a life of her own. She is not worried about her hair, which she cut in half herself by the way, because of the heat, she is not worried about how she looks in an old out of fashion outfit, rather I say, she's not worried at all. She's happy, glowing with happiness and giggling all the time. Even having to be bored here with me, she's showing interest in whatever I've to say. I am always whining and complaining about life and actually when I think about it, I am not doing anything to fix it. I am not studying hard like her. You know why? Because my purpose of studying is very different from her. I am only in desire of having what a girl like her is having, an apartment of her own in US, I want all the shopping and wanna taste exquisite foods all around the world. I want the enjoyment, I only want the privileges. I am not in obsession for having phd in psychology, I don't even dream that far. Get a job you'd love, get payed so you can afford an apartment in an exotic city, travel, eat, enjoy. This is more like me. And this is why I'm stuck in here.
She didn't actually "steal" my dream. She is living her life. She is responsible for creating that. I am just a normal person, frustrated over my numbered success and countless failure of opportunities, envious of every successful person on earth. but I don't mean to cast a black spell on her happiness. I am happy for her, I am happy that she has it all worked out, I am happy that she's doing a great job with herself. I am just not happy for not doing what I could when she can, I guess I'm just disappointed in me.
Do I want to live a life exactly as hers? No. A bottomless no. My main trophy isn't getting a phd in psychological science. I am not a studious person, never will I be. I'd always look out for the alternative. How to get there, where I have all the freedom to spend my money on anything- where I am free to travel, to shop to date to party to go on a long drive, to taste adventure. Sadly, I want to get rid of the confinement this home offers me. I want to explore. I don't want a phd. I don't want a campus full of people competing with each other like they're on a race or something. I don't wanna have to work hard on an essay for college admission. I don't wanna remember all the needless years and B.C's of business foundations had been formed, I don't wanna memorize all that stuff. All that techniques to solve a math, a single stupid math easiest way possible. Tests do not define what I wanna be. I know what I can do, and these stupid tests that they put out for me, ain't going to stop me from being what I am, what I will, what I think I will.
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