Everly

 Hi B, I've been really anxious lately. I am not sure why I feel so mentally drained. Even after sleep, I feel exhausted...I had been overworking and not eating right.  Last weekend I was getting high on weed with two of my friends and something really horrifying happened. I was having a bad trip. I went into a panic attack.  Last night me and my husband had a ugly fight over moving into a new place ( I want to move and he wants me to focus on my career instead, which threw me off a little) and then I went into this repetitive mind racing thoughts and started weeping, I had a hard time breathing and eventually he calm me down. I've had hard times before but this two episodes kind of shook me. I thought my anxiety has been manageable before but after this I feel like it can be bigger than my control and maybe I need help? My husband gave me a number to contact for some free therapy sessions. I haven't gotten into it yet but I've thinking to get some help.  When distre...

Hi B,  Season is changing. The hard days are almost over.  The city I live in has turned so beautiful, I get overwhelmed by the beauty.  Tulips are in. Cherry blossoms are blossoming.  Magnolia, Beautiful white flowers, name unknown to me.  Taking a walk out feels like a celebration of life.  It feels like I'm falling in love with the city.  I remember when I first moved here 2 years ago, the excitement and the crippling anxiety of starting a new life from scratch. Now, after 2 years, I feel a warmth and love for the place.  I don't know if I would feel the same when the winter comes though. Seasonal depression is no joke.  My new mantra for life now is to chill.  Praise the nature and find pretty little corners in the city.  Write poems.  Paint, maybe.  Seek positivity.  Love. Be kind to self. No rush. Read books. Just flow.

 I turned 30 yesterday. It kind of feels surreal. Though nothing has changed, it’s just a number I now call myself. I didn’t celebrate. I came back from Bangladesh yesterday and pretty much spent it on plane. I am also very jetlagged. I expected my husband would plan something but he was also exhausted. We went to his friend’s kid’s birthday and that was pretty much it.  I’m going home now on a train. My husband is staying back at his friend’s house as his leaves aren’t over. I will start work from tomorrow. So I am going home and as I sit in silence on a 5 hour train ride home, I can’t help but feel some kind of gloom. My trip back home went so fast. My heart was full seeing my family. However, I felt this sadness seeing my parent’s faces. They are old now. I didn’t spend much time with them though. I spent most times with my friends and my husband’s friends. I don’t know part of the reason might be I felt too sad looking at them and my brother who are all stuck in one place....

 Dear B,  2026 starts, we are already a month down.  Life's been kind of passing by.  I got a copper IUD recently. The procedure was quick but so painful. Now I'm okay. I still will have to be cautious. Here's to no more unplanned pregnancies! My job has been kind of meh. I should look for new jobs now actually now that I have some experience. The pay is not worth it. Don't get me wrong though I am super grateful for having a job 5 days a week. It is just that I have to push myself for the better. My husband has been kind enough to pay all the bills and with my money I only can afford some shopping here and there and a bit of groceries. He is actually doing a lot I give him credit for. I am super grateful but I have to stop being so comfortable and stuck.  Second time, I got assaulted by another homeless or I am not sure if he was actually a homeless. I was just crossing the road and my hands were occupied with grocery bags. This man just freaking punched me in ...

 Dear B,  Sorry I've been so MIA. Here's the update you missed - My husband came back! He wasn't approved for those 3 months of extension. I've been getting enough cuddles and kisses to survive this winter.  Yes, winter is here. Never underestimate the Canadian winter. It's the worst. Everything is grey and dark. However, I am looking forward to going home in March. I'm so excited to see my friends again. Most importantly my parents and brother. It feels a strange kind of feeling. I am planning to 'visit' the place I was born and call home. It is definitely a new kind of feeling.  Things been okay. We are okay. I am glad to have him back.  We bought a new couch and a coffee table. It's still in back order and I'm impatiently waiting for them to arrive.  Can't believe only 4 days left to 2026. Time is flying so quick. Hope we talk again, B. I swear I missed you!

 I came back from my trip. It was amazing 2 weeks of my life. Seeing him again after so long felt strange yet peaceful. I finally got to be in his arms again. 2 weeks flew by and now I am back home and back to work and normal hustle and bustle of life.  He got an extension offer and decided to stay for another 3 months. It is sad because he was supposed to be back next month. He asked me if he should take it and despite having my heart aching I supported him in the decision. It is not confirmed yet but he probably be staying another 3. Another 5 months of long distance. How am I going to survive the winter by myself? I don't know. Honestly, in my heart, I don't care about how much compensation he be getting. I miss him so much and this long distance thing is killing me inside. Today is Friday night and instead of cuddles and movie, I am home alone. No plans to look forward. No one to talk to. I am the loneliest girl on earth right now. He is probably sleeping and not picking u...