I find it hard to wake up in the morning, especially when I'm depressed like this. There's still a part of me, thinks it's too late now, to do anything. And I know this thought is not completely irrational. I am late to realize. I have this 2 months, barely, to pull everything together. I could've done that when I had plenty of time to sober up from the start. I wasted that time in waiting. And that's my biggest mistake. Now I feel it's actually "late" to put everything in place, to make everything alright before it's broken. I feel like it's gonna take a lot, a lotttt of work and in a limited time and such little mental strength aren't helping it. I can't afford to be depressed right now. But I am. I am sleeping excessively to ignore the fact that I'm running outta time. I have to jump out from this system, this old habits and I have to be mentally ready so I can do this. I have to stop thinking about my failures. And I have to stop being so hungry all the time. Our fridge is always running outta food. I'm praying to Allah for food and time and strength and magic. Magic as in form of miracle to happen. Because I don't see myself out there without it.
Hi B, Season is changing. The hard days are almost over. The city I live in has turned so beautiful, I get overwhelmed by the beauty. Tulips are in. Cherry blossoms are blossoming. Magnolia, Beautiful white flowers, name unknown to me. Taking a walk out feels like a celebration of life. It feels like I'm falling in love with the city. I remember when I first moved here 2 years ago, the excitement and the crippling anxiety of starting a new life from scratch. Now, after 2 years, I feel a warmth and love for the place. I don't know if I would feel the same when the winter comes though. Seasonal depression is no joke. My new mantra for life now is to chill. Praise the nature and find pretty little corners in the city. Write poems. Paint, maybe. Seek positivity. Love. Be kind to self. No rush. Read books. Just flow.
Comments
Post a Comment