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I find it hard to wake up in the morning, especially when I'm depressed like this. There's still a part of me, thinks it's too late now, to do anything. And I know this thought is not completely irrational. I am late to realize. I have this 2 months, barely, to pull everything together. I could've done that when I had plenty of time to sober up from the start. I wasted that time in waiting. And that's my biggest mistake. Now I feel it's actually "late" to put everything in place, to make everything alright before it's broken. I feel like it's gonna take a lot, a lotttt of work and in a limited time and such little mental strength aren't helping it. I can't afford to be depressed right now. But I am. I am sleeping excessively to ignore the fact that I'm running outta time. I have to jump out from this system, this old habits and I have to be mentally ready so I can do this. I have to stop thinking about my failures. And I have to stop being so hungry all the time. Our fridge is always running outta food. I'm praying to Allah for food and time and strength and magic. Magic as in form of miracle to happen. Because I don't see myself out there without it.

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