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I'm feeling terrible right now.

I am so busy at whining and crying at my pretty wonderful life that I almost always manage to forget to whom I'm telling these things to, whom I'm sharing it with. I am born with this amazing quality- I am so bad at consoling people and I am so bad at listening them also at first because I'm like- too filled up with my own whining and  crying energy.

So I made someone cry about her lost father and now I am blogging about it because I feel terrible. And this is my only treatment to stop crying like an idiot. She's my closest cousin and I just can't bear it that I made her cry. And It was so stupid of me to even tell her that- Guess what I cry too at night.

About what?

I have nothing to cry about. I have my loved ones still here with me. You know loving someone can be really scary. You lose only what you cling to. And losing anyone in my family is my biggest fear. I never want to experience that extreme pain. I never want to go through what she has. But the world doesn't work like that. And so I feel like every freaking day, is a day I'll never get back. Every single day is going to be a memory. And seeing her lose her father in such young age made me more conscious of what I have, and what I might lose. And today, out of nowhere I just talked her about it, which was the stupidest thing I did because she had lost someone and it is totally legit for her to cry about it but me. When you compare me to her, I have no fucking reason to cry at night. Maybe I have my dumb reasons but it wasn't my place to tell her that. She's already been through a lot. And I just ruined her day. I feel terrible. I feel so bad. I made her feel weaker. And I just hope she gets better tonight. It's not about me. I just want her to feel strong not weak. SO I just hope, HOPE that she pulls it together and gets focused on studies for her upcoming exam. And shine like a diamond. And be happy for the rest of her life.

P.S: I started taking sleeping pills to stop whining at night. 






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