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I don't know what happened. Why am I keeping my feelings bottled up.

I'm so tired. I can't accept myself the way I am. I can't see my face in the mirror. I don't like wearing makeup anymore. And I loathe myself for being too emotional rather than being rational. Why do I have feelings. Why do I care so much and get hurt afterwards. Simply why am I so invested in things? Why can't I keep myself apart?

The more I try to stay apart the more I get involved. The more I get hurt. I am not sure if it's that time of the month again but I am just not feeling good or jolly or anything I could identify as positive. Today I wanted to sleep all day and never get up from bed but I had other plans to give prior to. I couldn't stay in bed today, went to my cousin's house to spend some time. Anika and mysha went with me too and I thought it was worth it, getting together and having lunch with them would make me feel good. But I didn't feel good. I was just concealing again. I was just wasting time so after I go home, I have little time to grief. I felt tired and bloated because I ate a lot, nervous eating, I forced myself to talk and be all cool but this is not me. I am usually delighted to spend time with them.  I am always hyper around people I know. Maybe I was tired I don't know.  Now I am home and I just feel so depressed. Depressed over everything in my life. Depressed how I live it. Depressed how I don't have anyone to have a deep conversation with.


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