spring is almost here

Body shaming should be made illegal. It should not be a topic of interest. Tho I might have something to say against this subject...It's more effective and vulgar when a person is self-shamed. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks of you, it matters how you take it. It just creates a brand new perspective of seeing yourself.

Let's just reflect on a personal story. When I was a toddler, I was picky in food. Not because I was conscious of my body or anything, I was just being a kid. I ate only what gave me pleasure to the tongue and I never felt hungry enough to have a heavy meal. Because I was always depended on my mother for the food department. I never even thought a bit about nutrition or anything related to the body. Everything came to the taste. And that I guess was legit because I was just a kid. So I grew as the skinniest girl in my family, my siblings were healthy but I was often teased why am I so indifferent toward food. I was often forced to eat a egg, boiled to perfection and I even remember crying and screaming to open my mouth and my father used to force me through my stubbornness to swallow the whole egg with water. Years passed by, I was still teased for my slow growth because I didn't eat enough. Then after the day I had my first period, when my body started to change, I started to change too. I started to eat enough, and some days enough didn't suffice. My family also started to treat me with equal alacrity toward me, praised me whenever I took rice second time, I wasn't short and skinny anymore. I started having belly fat, I was happy. No one could understand how happy I was standing equal to my siblings, not the skinny child anymore.

I had my curves at 14/15 maybe. My aunts were always in awe of me. My beauty was talked of, I was given compliments for my skin, my curly soft hair, the healthy glow, my waist even ! All were done by my aunts, aunts from America, Aunts in here, I started having feminine feelings, which sounds weird in every way, but sorry I can't put it any other way. I never felt so attractive. My mom and dad were worried that something might happen to me whenever anyone complimented me. And then it happened, I had pox, it left scars on my face. Then that year, I fell sick frequently...And I started having breakouts in my skin, acne spots, depression and insecurity increased.

It's not until this year, I started to become chubby. Maybe of some hormonal imbalance or stress eating. Whenever I look at the mirror, I get depressed of my skin, whenever I feel my belly fat, I get frustrated and skip dinner. Then binge in the morning. Or sleep for a long time to the noon to skip breakfast as well. I never shared this with my family but now I think it's time to come clean. I am always perplexed in my diet. I don't have a healthy diet and this body shaming has derived me gaining confidence and self-sufficiency. People will not praise you everyday. You have to accept that. Your body is your  greatest gift. Let nobody tell you how it should be measured. Your beauty is going to fade but you'll always have your body till you die....I made a fool out of myself fasting today, I was so determined to terminate some fat that I tormented my own body into believing that once I lose some fat, I'll be happy. But the truth is I'll never be happy with what I have. I'll always look up to others. So it is rational only to accept that I have become chubby and there's no unhealthy way to overcoming it. You just have to eat and accept your body as it is. Don't keep yourself from nutritions. That will only give you shivers and insecurities.

So love yourself a great deal, accept all the imperfections, Literally hug your chubby stomach. If you have it flat, return to your zainamaz and pray a nafal rakyat of the wakt.