Why is it so hard, to believe in something you don't see? Something that is too far away from your touch? Something that you only heard from people but didn't get to see or feel it yourself? Why is it so hard to hold onto a kind of belief that is constantly influencing by time, people and by the aging of you mind?
They say God exist. Then there is another group of people saying that He doesn't. Then there's a part of me, that just wants to know if all of these are for nothing? We born, live an average life of 60 or 70 up then we die, Just like that. They say there's an after-life. Our bodies die but our souls live on. Another hypothetical theory. Is it just to calm our minds?
For me, I don't know. I am not up for a religion discussion. Besides, not too stable to go deep into anything that requires resourceful knowledge and concentration. I am just depressed, These questions upwards, are my symptoms. My anxiety has driven me crazy, I just thought I should write things down.
I don't, I simply don't have any protests against my religion. It's the only way to tell me my DO's and DON'Ts. And even if there's a lack of believing, I've been structured into a way that I can't cross it. I am not religious. I don't do my prayer or submit myself blindly to God. But a part of me always believed that there is someone out there, someone who's controlling, punishing me and my luck for not doing the right thing. I don't pray 5 times but there was a part of me that always, at least at some point communicated one way to God, Complained to Him. Thanked Him for health and happiness.Then someone told me There is no God with some logic's made, and leaving me the doubts along with the possibilities. Since the day I lost the contact. The one way contact with my God, He used to exist in some part of my mind and at the end of the day I would just lie in bed with the consciousness talking. With the probability that He observed me the whole day, my work, my attitude, my decisions. Having a kind of feeling that I'd been supervised. Now how did I lose that one-way contact? Does that mean all I believed all along wasn't strong enough?, Or maybe I just don't know anymore. I can't pray to him knowing that he's not listening, I have to know that he's up there. Listening to my every word, Observing my actions. I need to know if all I believed all along is real.
They say God exist. Then there is another group of people saying that He doesn't. Then there's a part of me, that just wants to know if all of these are for nothing? We born, live an average life of 60 or 70 up then we die, Just like that. They say there's an after-life. Our bodies die but our souls live on. Another hypothetical theory. Is it just to calm our minds?
For me, I don't know. I am not up for a religion discussion. Besides, not too stable to go deep into anything that requires resourceful knowledge and concentration. I am just depressed, These questions upwards, are my symptoms. My anxiety has driven me crazy, I just thought I should write things down.
I don't, I simply don't have any protests against my religion. It's the only way to tell me my DO's and DON'Ts. And even if there's a lack of believing, I've been structured into a way that I can't cross it. I am not religious. I don't do my prayer or submit myself blindly to God. But a part of me always believed that there is someone out there, someone who's controlling, punishing me and my luck for not doing the right thing. I don't pray 5 times but there was a part of me that always, at least at some point communicated one way to God, Complained to Him. Thanked Him for health and happiness.Then someone told me There is no God with some logic's made, and leaving me the doubts along with the possibilities. Since the day I lost the contact. The one way contact with my God, He used to exist in some part of my mind and at the end of the day I would just lie in bed with the consciousness talking. With the probability that He observed me the whole day, my work, my attitude, my decisions. Having a kind of feeling that I'd been supervised. Now how did I lose that one-way contact? Does that mean all I believed all along wasn't strong enough?, Or maybe I just don't know anymore. I can't pray to him knowing that he's not listening, I have to know that he's up there. Listening to my every word, Observing my actions. I need to know if all I believed all along is real.
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