Skip to main content

scribble

I know I've been kind of distracted lately. It shows on my words, doesn't it? I don't know what happened to me these days, I can't simply sit and put my feelings into words anymore. I'm lost for concentration and words. WORDS. I don't know what to say, but I have this need. This need to write things down even when I'm blank. I think I've made a habit outta this. Nothing happened. I just had to sit before the pc because I don't wanna go back to study. Studying these days. Makes me feel worse about myself. It only makes me feel like I am gonna suck in the board exam.And won't get any admissions. You know what I should do? Break things. Things that are jammed in my head. I should break those. Why am I so down all the time.? What is wrong with me? I wasn't like this before. Uh I was stupid but not this much stupid. Ugh there again. always down, always insulting myself in front of the world. You know what...I am gonna stop this. It's eating me. My brain. I should stop this and go. And study and do what I am left with. Because time's running. I should go. Yes. I am going right after I put this full-stop. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

 Some thoughts. Our old generation glorified selfless acts to the point that they started calling putting themselves first as: 'selfish.'  To a certain period of time, I have also followed this pattern.  I thought taking care of me is selfish.  Where taking care of me is fundamental.  You cannot pour out of a cup, which is empty.  So pour yourself first.   I have to unlearn so many of these toxic patterns because these have made my life only miserable and problematic. I am learning that evolving is crucial for living with inner peace.  These days, I value so much about inner peace.  I'll choose it over others anytime, and it is not selfish. It is in fact for greater good.
Post a Comment
Read more

spring is almost here

Hi B,  Season is changing. The hard days are almost over.  The city I live in has turned so beautiful, I get overwhelmed by the beauty.  Tulips are in. Cherry blossoms are blossoming.  Magnolia, Beautiful white flowers, name unknown to me.  Taking a walk out feels like a celebration of life.  It feels like I'm falling in love with the city.  I remember when I first moved here 2 years ago, the excitement and the crippling anxiety of starting a new life from scratch. Now, after 2 years, I feel a warmth and love for the place.  I don't know if I would feel the same when the winter comes though. Seasonal depression is no joke.  My new mantra for life now is to chill.  Praise the nature and find pretty little corners in the city.  Write poems.  Paint, maybe.  Seek positivity.  Love. Be kind to self. No rush. Read books. Just flow.
Post a Comment
Read more

long distance again

 I came back from my trip. It was amazing 2 weeks of my life. Seeing him again after so long felt strange yet peaceful. I finally got to be in his arms again. 2 weeks flew by and now I am back home and back to work and normal hustle and bustle of life.  He got an extension offer and decided to stay for another 3 months. It is sad because he was supposed to be back next month. He asked me if he should take it and despite having my heart aching I supported him in the decision. It is not confirmed yet but he probably be staying another 3. Another 5 months of long distance. How am I going to survive the winter by myself? I don't know. Honestly, in my heart, I don't care about how much compensation he be getting. I miss him so much and this long distance thing is killing me inside. Today is Friday night and instead of cuddles and movie, I am home alone. No plans to look forward. No one to talk to. I am the loneliest girl on earth right now. He is probably sleeping and not picking u...
Post a Comment
Read more