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healing in progress

 Dear B, 

What I learned from the past week is that I tend to take on grief from others in my family like my own. Even though there is nothing I can do about it to ease other's pain. Hence, I suffer internally. 

There is a song that I deeply connect with: Tu Jhoom | Naseebo Lal x Abida Parveen. It kind of goes like this:


“What is meant to be yours will find you through any excuse.

My heart, understand that there is nothing in your control.

You just swirl (let it go)”

My brother recently got rejected from a marriage proposal from a girl he really liked. It was arranged but this was his first experience talking with a girl. Seeing him being torn left me in tears as I know how much he was hurting. He is such a gentle soul. I took his pain as if my own and could not sleep at night. Nothing I say could ease his suffering but I still tried to cheer him up. I prayed genuinely for him to be showered with blessings. I want him to experience life, be with someone who would care for him, experience love, experience a deep connection as he has been really depriving himself of something so beautiful. He has been too scared. 

He will heal, with me trying to get him open up to people or without it. He will see the world as it is, sometimes too cruel. He will pick himself up again, see the beauty in pain and grow through it. This is how it will go. There is no point in me trying to feel his pain and the urge to make things alright. You know why? It is not in my control. 

So I am letting go of the burden. I am letting go of feeling this heaviness inside me because ultimately, he is the one who has to pickup the pieces and seek joy again. I am just here as a sister to provide him any support he needs.


Yes, so I am letting go of the grief that is not mine to keep. 

I swirl.






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