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confession #104

I feel like I don't know myself anymore. I am not even concentrated on life.It's like everything is out of my hands. Maybe I'm just scared. Scared of the board exam, admission tests and life ahead.Everything won't just fall into my lap you know.Something worthwhile needs hard work, struggling. Which I completely don't do. I am a noon person. I don't wake up until 2. See? I waste half of my life sleeping. How is that going to help with surviving boards or exams of any kind? Ugh. I need to spend more of my time improving myself as a student...
But I am not stable right now. I still feel a bit shaky, emotional, stressed, insecure and all sorts of personality disorder. I don't look so fragile as I am inside. I don't know how to put my feelings into words anymore. This blog doesn't help me the way it used to. It all drives me back to 2014, that long three months depression, my breakdown. I don't want that back. Hell no. I couldn't sleep, eat or concentrate any good things happening to me. But it's rewinding. Today is 2015, the first day of February. And I am still stuck in 2014. The same old me. Fuck that shit. I wanna change.

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