You know. I had this plan. That I would start fresh. I would work my ass off. I had this plan that I would redecorate my room. I already planned where to keep my guitar. I'd been awake at night, making plans. I am all about the plans. And that's what is wrong with me. I set up this high expectation, I dream before even getting it. I imagine stuffs, I see stuffs before thinking it thoroughly and practically, I let my mind wonder over it. You see, I am an enthusiast when it comes to planning. So it hurts. Just hurts when I want something so bad but don't happen to get it before my expectation dies.
Some thoughts. Our old generation glorified selfless acts to the point that they started calling putting themselves first as: 'selfish.' To a certain period of time, I have also followed this pattern. I thought taking care of me is selfish. Where taking care of me is fundamental. You cannot pour out of a cup, which is empty. So pour yourself first. I have to unlearn so many of these toxic patterns because these have made my life only miserable and problematic. I am learning that evolving is crucial for living with inner peace. These days, I value so much about inner peace. I'll choose it over others anytime, and it is not selfish. It is in fact for greater good.
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