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Right Now.

I just wanna curl up in bed and sleep. Life is too heavy on me. I really can't remember the time I was genuinely happy. Everything around, sickens me. My home. Outside. Internet. TV. Food. Books. Exams. Even bathing. Even my favorite song. I don't know what to do. Should I cry? Yes I'm a crybaby, crying was the solution to every problem I had.It was my escape. There's no point now.  I lost it. I lost the shine I had in myself. The energy that kept me alive and soothed my soul. I am out of the line. I am faded. I suffocate. They don't know. They don't understand what I want. They don't understand me. I don't need this. Any of this. What I need is some motivation. Freedom. Work. Passion. Something I'd truly put my heart and soul into. Not just because I have to. Because I will to. I don't want a perfect life, no. I just want a happy life. I want joy. No outcomes. Just work in progress. I want a full night's sleep. I want my country to develop, not stuck in blockades and dirty politics. I want to go shopping with my sister and let her choose me what clothes and shoes to buy. I want my mother to be healthy and young again. I want to stuff up my bed with fluffy and fresh pillows. I want myself to feel pretty and confident about myself. I want to keep in touch with my school friends and talk hours and hours in phone with them even when they tell me they're busy. I want to get lost, wonderfully lost and explore. I want to stumble and get right back up to a stronger, much stronger person.I don't wanna regret any of the choices I make, not a single one.I want to learn cooking, I want to cook for the people I love. I want to get inspired by the littlest things life offers. I want a healthy skin.I want my hair to grow fast and long. I want to compliment people, truly from my heart. I want to be the kind of girl who can't control her laugh even in a serious moment. I want to utilize time, every second of it. I want to take sarcasms as it is to be taken. I want myself to be filled with humor and stupidity. I want every thing to be gut-free. I don't want to get religious, but I do want to believe that things I don't see, still exist. I want to be sweet.I want to be kind, generous. I want to read plenty of books, watch plenty of movies and shows.I want what I want. But this is not how life works. SO I'm kind of depressed.

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