opposite sides of a coin

Confession# 21

I’m no good at cooking, I mean I make omelets okay, can boil eggs or what say…pretty much everything. I can cook instant noodles with real passion. I can make tea, coffee. Yeah, that’s pretty much it. I have a thing for ingredients though. I hardly recognize them. Especially veggies. I find most of them look alike. I can’t differentiate potatoes from gingers. They look kind of the same! Cucumbers and Potol. Carrot and Mula.  Dhonepata looks like pudina pata to me. All this time I thought they’re same, their fragments are same so can you blame me? I was making noodles few weeks back and found some leafs in the fridge, I wasn’t sure what it was until then I asked bua, she told me it was pudinapata. She might be illiterate but at some point I’m dumber than her.

Cooking is chemistry. And I suck at chemistry. Big time!

Confession# 22

When I saw him today in his off white Panjabi, I couldn’t help but stare at him. He’s so…crushable, and he might be over thirty but still looks so young. It was a torture, let me tell you. Seeing him all handsome and attractive, pains me. Because he’s not mine. He’s never gonna be mine. Not just because he’s married, also that he’s my teacher, I can’t fall for him, and he will never have the same feelings that I endure having for him. I was so pained seeing him complimenting my other classmate. He said, her hair looks nice on her. And I was super envied. I wish I could just rip her hair off with my bare hands! >.<

I was late as usual. I hardly look fresh. My hair didn’t stay in the right place, I don’t have a pretty face by born and I was dressed in a hurry. Oh as it gets better, my dad was mad at me all because I was 15 min late for class. So my mood was off. I wasn’t wearing a smiley face. And tell you what, my sad face is very much attractive, really. No one can take a stare off me then. Kidding. Girls look prettier when they cry. But me? I’m an  exception. I look uglier.

Ironically or rather I say luckily he didn’t look at me much. He was busy today, lecturing, and all that. And I could see all the pretty girls around me, so why would he look at me? But I was. I couldn’t take a stare off him. Yeah, I’m a real ass at times. 

I got lost in him, in my thoughts. Since when did I start falling for this guy so deeply that I can’t stop myself thinking of him? That I feel pain when he doesn’t notice me. That I get so jealous when he talks to other girls and also the time when he talks about his wife. Really. How and when?

When I first saw him in college, I hadn’t had my glasses on me. I could barely see his face. It was all blur. But I did hear his voice though, which was nice. Not much intimidating. But nice. His accent, clear, kind of cute. And I could see his height. He’s tall. More than average. And slim. But honestly, I didn’t like him that much. In fact I was crushing on another lecturer at the moment. I feel so embarrassed; why am I always crushing on married and senior guys?

So it took me some time to see the real him, his humor, cuteness, talking style and honesty, loyalty, childish smile, everything about him is worth loving. I fell for him just the moment when he started to know me by my name and asking me about things. I still get so shy when he talks to me. I can hardly speak out. We talked just couple of times, and those were when he asked me something. Like I said, I never talk to boys unless I’m spoken to. So yeah, he’d never really known how much I feel for him. How happy I get seeing him smile and cracking jokes, how much I adore him when he cares. When he taps on my hair, compliments me, scolds me so sweetly or pulls me by my ear. He makes me feel so cute.

Yes I love him. I love him because he has innocence of beauty. I love him because his soul is still young and alive. I love him for he’s a true gentleman. And his masculinity. His tenderness. I love how he’s so loyal to his wife. I love him that he’s a great dad to his son.

I’m fond of him.