Confession #18
I’ve been busy.
Tired mostly. I don’t know what happened to me these days.
And I have
so much to confess. I don’t know if I could make it. I’m feverish. And I feel
like I’m gonna throw up anytime. My apatite changed. And I have stat exam
tomorrow. But I didn’t study a thing.
Yesterday I
fell asleep in stat class, and sir called me up. I woke up and he asked me if I
was okay, If I had fever, If I was having a headache. In reply to his odd
queries, I just shook my head three times. Yeah, it was awkward. But he didn’t
scold me or anything, he then continued the class on track. And I got into
thinking- I was fully okay, I didn’t have a fever, no not that time, my head
wasn’t aching. I was deeply asleep in his class which I said it indirectly by
shaking my head three times. “Yes, your class is boring!” Gosh! I should’ve said that I wasn’t okay,
that I was having some kind of headache. I would’ve even got some sympathy from
him then. And he wouldn’t get offended by my sleeping on his lecture.
Why am I
making such a fuss about it? Don’t you remember? He’s my crush for like a year
now. Yes, if he gets offended by me, it’s a big deal. And I know he got
offended. Because he said few things about sleeping during class yesterday. I
didn’t dig it much until when he brought up the issue again today. He was
partly indicating me. I felt embarrassed and listened to him more carefully
than usual.
But a part
of me was dazzling to see him upset, it felt like, he values my attention. And
I somehow exist to him. When he called up my name, I was waken up. I was kind
of astonished. I don’t know why but every time when he calls me by my name, I
get awkwardly happy. I don’t react much but I actually grin in my mind.
And the time
he asked me if I was okay and all that, I was happily shocked. J He’d not asked any other girls of their health if they
nap in classes. He would send them straightly out of the class when they do
such a thing. But he didn’t send me out, instead he asked me if I was okay. He
cared about me. Is that making any sense to you? You won’t understand how much
it meant to me. All this time I thought I don’t exist to him. But that split
second, I felt like I did. And that he never sent me out of the class. He never
said I was stupid. He always talked so politely to me. I kind of love it when
he grins at me or when he pats my hair or pulls me by ear. You have no idea how
much I like him and his sweet punishments.
Confession #19
The side-effects
of reading Fifty Shades of Grey.
I don’t want
to get married to some virgin. YES. Decided. I want someone who has already
done it and experienced it well enough. I don’t really blame the book. Maybe I
got that kind of idea because in our culture, we have to get married to a
complete stranger. No scope of knowing if he’s impotent or pedophile or
physically awkward till the marriage thing happens. What if I get married to an
impotent, I wouldn’t know that until the wed night. It’s frustrating, no?
Not saying
that I prefer myself to lose virginity before marriage. I just want to know
someone before I get stuck up with him the whole life. And I want him to be
experienced and darn sexy. I want him to guide me when we’re doing it. Because
wouldn’t that be awkward and confusing for loosing each other’s virginity at
the same time? I want my first time to be educational, I want to feel it with
someone who already knows the feeling. And obviously, my first time would be
the person I’m gonna get married to. I’m not American, I can’t afford sleeping
with bunch of guys and end up with a divorce. I also can’t afford non-virgins
in my country unless it’s their second marriage. No wonder why I always fall
for married guys. :P So as I’m too gonna get married to some complete stranger,
I’d be dying to have this talk with him-
“Have you
done it with somebody before? No, no, it’s completely okay if you had it. Past
is past!” “You’re not impotent, are you?” “Obviously not a pedophile?” “Are you
HIV negative?” “I hope you don’t watch animal porn, OMG DO YOU?” “Let’s play
fifty shades of grey, You be my Christian Grey, I’d be your Anastasia!” (Who am
I kidding?!) “Do you know all the positions described in Karma Sutra?”
*Before you
get the wrong idea, let me tell you something, I also want him to be loyal.
Then it’d be okay if he’s a virgin. Sex isn’t everything. I mean, if he’s
awfully good in bed but inside a cheater, I wouldn’t want that, no. So the
bottom line is I want a loyal, handsome,
sexy humored, hot typo. And the world is not a wish granting factory.
**I can see you reading my confessions and
grinning at me. What’s so funny? Yes, my friends’ calling me a horny, is kind
of making sense to you right now, isn’t it? Stop it. Don’t you judge me, okay?
I’m not horny, I don’t always talk about those or my crushes, I have so many
other things to talk about too, yeah you’ll see. -_-
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