Dear B.
I was doing absolutely okay until I heard his voice. His song. Someone recorded him singing way back in july and sent it to our group chat. The moment I heard his voice against my ears in headphones, I realized what trouble I am in. A big trouble. I am madly falling in love with him.
I couldn't stop listening to it...I don't know for hours maybe I kept it ringing in my ear, until my phone battery went to eight percent I stopped and stalked his profile pictures. The latest pictures had captions. He wrote them...So nicely. His use of vocab was on point. I like that photo of his two friends, caption mainly, in that photo one of his friend is sitting on another of his friend and the caption was somewhat like one was his life's FIRST friend. The other is that one person who can never be replaced, knows everything about him, his deepest darkest secrets. I have seen this picture before even I met him. He was in my class first semester but we didn't exchange a word back then. At that time, stalking his profile had such a foreign feeling, he was practically a stranger to me. I was interested enough to stalk only because he shared our group photo in the last english class and I was there and someone tagged me, so I found his profile. Little did I know, in the next three months he would step into my life and wreck my mind. Challenge my thoughts.
Here's the thing. He has his plate full. I saw all his photos a while back, read comments. His girlfriend's comments. His friend's ones. I don't fit in his story. Nowhere near. I can't tell if we had a proper conversation. All he does is tease me about random things. We never had the conversation two friends would have. I don't know what we are, what I am to him.
The moment I saw his picture with his girlfriend, all the madness I felt for him kinda went off. They fit so perfectly together. He loves her so much. She is so pretty and smart. Although she is just pixels on the screen for me, we never met but I can tell this girl has something in her. And him. I saw his earliest pictures, like six years earlier, and I gotta say it shocked me a bit. He was nowhere the man he is now. He has become so sophisticated and good looking in these four or five years. I am crushed on his soul. He doesn't know how much I think about him. I wish I could let it all out. Tell him.
I love him, I truly do. You can't choose whom you love. That's just happened to me.
Do you understand how much fucked up this is? It's five in the morning. I can't sleep. Hearing him singing after so long left me sleepless and dreamy. I pictured him sitting next to me, with that ukulele ....I should stop thinking about him like this. He considers me a friend. I should too....And this will never work.
Irony so, I know his plan. He is going to graduate, go abroad maybe Canada, along with his girlfriend who'll be his wife then and they would have kids later on and upload family pictures on fb. And I will stare at them.
You know what. I should start focusing on my study and career. He is never going to love me back. He doesn't even know. And even if he knows somehow, he will never feel the same way, he will pity me or something. Let's just. I should sleep now. Hopeless. Everything in the world is hopeless for me.
He is quite something tho. It's been what almost four months since I passed my last semester and he hasn't escaped my mind since.
Pathetic and fucked up. So fucked up this is.
I was doing absolutely okay until I heard his voice. His song. Someone recorded him singing way back in july and sent it to our group chat. The moment I heard his voice against my ears in headphones, I realized what trouble I am in. A big trouble. I am madly falling in love with him.
I couldn't stop listening to it...I don't know for hours maybe I kept it ringing in my ear, until my phone battery went to eight percent I stopped and stalked his profile pictures. The latest pictures had captions. He wrote them...So nicely. His use of vocab was on point. I like that photo of his two friends, caption mainly, in that photo one of his friend is sitting on another of his friend and the caption was somewhat like one was his life's FIRST friend. The other is that one person who can never be replaced, knows everything about him, his deepest darkest secrets. I have seen this picture before even I met him. He was in my class first semester but we didn't exchange a word back then. At that time, stalking his profile had such a foreign feeling, he was practically a stranger to me. I was interested enough to stalk only because he shared our group photo in the last english class and I was there and someone tagged me, so I found his profile. Little did I know, in the next three months he would step into my life and wreck my mind. Challenge my thoughts.
Here's the thing. He has his plate full. I saw all his photos a while back, read comments. His girlfriend's comments. His friend's ones. I don't fit in his story. Nowhere near. I can't tell if we had a proper conversation. All he does is tease me about random things. We never had the conversation two friends would have. I don't know what we are, what I am to him.
The moment I saw his picture with his girlfriend, all the madness I felt for him kinda went off. They fit so perfectly together. He loves her so much. She is so pretty and smart. Although she is just pixels on the screen for me, we never met but I can tell this girl has something in her. And him. I saw his earliest pictures, like six years earlier, and I gotta say it shocked me a bit. He was nowhere the man he is now. He has become so sophisticated and good looking in these four or five years. I am crushed on his soul. He doesn't know how much I think about him. I wish I could let it all out. Tell him.
I love him, I truly do. You can't choose whom you love. That's just happened to me.
Do you understand how much fucked up this is? It's five in the morning. I can't sleep. Hearing him singing after so long left me sleepless and dreamy. I pictured him sitting next to me, with that ukulele ....I should stop thinking about him like this. He considers me a friend. I should too....And this will never work.
Irony so, I know his plan. He is going to graduate, go abroad maybe Canada, along with his girlfriend who'll be his wife then and they would have kids later on and upload family pictures on fb. And I will stare at them.
You know what. I should start focusing on my study and career. He is never going to love me back. He doesn't even know. And even if he knows somehow, he will never feel the same way, he will pity me or something. Let's just. I should sleep now. Hopeless. Everything in the world is hopeless for me.
He is quite something tho. It's been what almost four months since I passed my last semester and he hasn't escaped my mind since.
Pathetic and fucked up. So fucked up this is.
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