Skip to main content
Not feeling like living these days
Last night I talked with strangers on an app named Wakie, I was feeling that much lonely.
There was this boy same as my age from Brazil, he wanted to practice English
So I talked with him for a while. He was very keen to learn this language.
I told him about my country.
Then because of network clash, I couldn't hear him anymore.
SO I cut the line and went back to sleep. It was 5 am then.
I woke up at 5.30 pm. feeling sick of oversleeping,
Now my hair's itchy because I haven't washed my hair for 3 days in a row.
These days I don't even feel like taking a bath. There is this boy in our group, who doesn't shower. I am turning into him.
Right now my mother is watching tv series, and I am worried about how I am going to sleep at night,
Last night I wasted being awake and today I wasted in sleep. The whole fucking day.
My room looks like a fucking mess, everyday I promise myself I would clean up but I end up doing nothing.
My days are unproductive and vague.
I wish I could help change the world or something...oh by the way, do you know Justin Bieber deleted his instagram account? Yeah, because he had this comment fight with his ex-girlfriend Selena and he was receiving hate comments about his new girlfriend so..He quit Instagram. Help change the world was written on his bio in his profile that he removed. So I felt like telling you.
Last night, I stalked Christina Grimmie. Do you know Grimmie? She was this bright girl, with a voice of a rock-star can't believe yet she died via shot gun...I don't know why would someone shot her dead, she is just innocent, she was doing her job which is singing in a concert, minding her own fucking business, and she was so young, had so many years ahead of her. Looking through her instagram pictures gave me an insight. You never know what might happen before your eyes. You never know. So live loud. Can't believe I am saying this who 24/7 feels like not living, who finds no purpose to wake up.
Why should I wake up? Please God. Find me a reason. What is the point of living like this?
How am I going to make my existence, meaningful?

I don't know just what happened up here. What the hell did I write....It looks like a jumble of words.

I am going shower now. Sorry if I bothered you with this meaningless post. 


 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

spring is almost here

Hi B,  Season is changing. The hard days are almost over.  The city I live in has turned so beautiful, I get overwhelmed by the beauty.  Tulips are in. Cherry blossoms are blossoming.  Magnolia, Beautiful white flowers, name unknown to me.  Taking a walk out feels like a celebration of life.  It feels like I'm falling in love with the city.  I remember when I first moved here 2 years ago, the excitement and the crippling anxiety of starting a new life from scratch. Now, after 2 years, I feel a warmth and love for the place.  I don't know if I would feel the same when the winter comes though. Seasonal depression is no joke.  My new mantra for life now is to chill.  Praise the nature and find pretty little corners in the city.  Write poems.  Paint, maybe.  Seek positivity.  Love. Be kind to self. No rush. Read books. Just flow.
 Some thoughts. Our old generation glorified selfless acts to the point that they started calling putting themselves first as: 'selfish.'  To a certain period of time, I have also followed this pattern.  I thought taking care of me is selfish.  Where taking care of me is fundamental.  You cannot pour out of a cup, which is empty.  So pour yourself first.   I have to unlearn so many of these toxic patterns because these have made my life only miserable and problematic. I am learning that evolving is crucial for living with inner peace.  These days, I value so much about inner peace.  I'll choose it over others anytime, and it is not selfish. It is in fact for greater good.

long distance again

 I came back from my trip. It was amazing 2 weeks of my life. Seeing him again after so long felt strange yet peaceful. I finally got to be in his arms again. 2 weeks flew by and now I am back home and back to work and normal hustle and bustle of life.  He got an extension offer and decided to stay for another 3 months. It is sad because he was supposed to be back next month. He asked me if he should take it and despite having my heart aching I supported him in the decision. It is not confirmed yet but he probably be staying another 3. Another 5 months of long distance. How am I going to survive the winter by myself? I don't know. Honestly, in my heart, I don't care about how much compensation he be getting. I miss him so much and this long distance thing is killing me inside. Today is Friday night and instead of cuddles and movie, I am home alone. No plans to look forward. No one to talk to. I am the loneliest girl on earth right now. He is probably sleeping and not picking u...