spring is almost here

Before this residential semester happened, I was in fear of getting apart with my friends, mostly Turtle Dove, not that we were close in the first place, we were both annoyingly nice with each other, that means there were not so much real friendship going on. But she was always there for me, and  I too. So I felt secure. But after this semester, you can say my fear came true, I just figured out her more and more and I have to say this, though it is judgmental of me, still. She fakes a lot. I knew that. And I liked that when she did it with other people, it helps keeping her connected with them, but I personally hate that when she fakes with me. Because I am real with her. I considered her as one of my best friend, all this time, because with her I can be who I am, but now I realized some things about her that is making me keep a distance.One thing I already mentioned. Other things are- She is a happiness sucker. She whines a lot. Which I do too but not all my conversation are about me having a crappy day/life. But when things go out of the way she planned it, she just whines and whines and I get really annoyed at it because I don't want all these negative vibes. Secondly, I feel it is important for her to be seen with friends who are most likely beautiful or interesting, you know. Sometimes I feel, she wants to control what I say in front of everybody(Her OTHER friends) Because she seem to be ashamed of being with me, I don't know if it's true but I feel like she takes superiority and expect nothing of me, or just have lower expectations of me.

I just hate when I have to climb up a line of expectation to earn friendship. So it is just a let down. I liked Turtle Dove, she is compassionate, warm and chatty and everything, I don't hate her, I still like her but I feel sorry that our friendship turned out like this. I have advising of course on 1st sept and a part of me wants separate sections. I know, it will only make me feel lonely and with new faces I will feel insecure but sometimes, I just want to ignore her company. And I know I am not her priority, or ever will be, she has some new friends entering her life now, so I know, slowly, we are getting apart. Our friendship isn't that strong to take the blow. I know that very well.

And I wish her best in life. Even though she doesn't even think about me often. I am just a background check, that she has by her side whenever everyone is busy. And I just realized that and it made me sad how she is just driving away from me.

I hate when friends become strangers. I passionately hate that.