Skip to main content
These days I urge to be with someone. Someone who will give me stomach aching laughs and tears at the corner of my eye. Someone who will never make me feel lonely yet will isolate me from the world of chaos. Someone who will assure me that everything's gonna be okay when nothing is alright.  These days I urge to have a soul mate. I have always tried to ignore this fact since high school. Because it was easy to ignore. I wasn't in a coed, there were only room for studying and discussing celebrity crushes and tv shows. I was busy doing all that. College was so easy to survive. I had my gal pals and I had every reason to hate my life. But I didn't. It was still fun. Having a boyfriend was mythical, still is mythical but for some reasons currently I want to pull it back to reality.

It's not that I am not busy now. I am busier than ever. I have to be proactive now. Uni life is all I will get to build up a career. I cannot waste it having stupid mythical thoughts. I will be 20 this year. Not the time to behave like a teenager. My teenage years spent on compromising. I had compromised hangouts, dating, wearing skin tight clothes and every other thing that could have been some kind of adventure or recklessness. Now I feel like something is missing from my life. It's funny because I haven't done much studying to reason with this. I spent most of the time on internet doing meaningless blogging or instagramming.

It's just the fantasy, the lust to meet that particular person whom I am destined with. I hope wondering isn't a sin. Because I wonder a lot.








Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

spring is almost here

Hi B,  Season is changing. The hard days are almost over.  The city I live in has turned so beautiful, I get overwhelmed by the beauty.  Tulips are in. Cherry blossoms are blossoming.  Magnolia, Beautiful white flowers, name unknown to me.  Taking a walk out feels like a celebration of life.  It feels like I'm falling in love with the city.  I remember when I first moved here 2 years ago, the excitement and the crippling anxiety of starting a new life from scratch. Now, after 2 years, I feel a warmth and love for the place.  I don't know if I would feel the same when the winter comes though. Seasonal depression is no joke.  My new mantra for life now is to chill.  Praise the nature and find pretty little corners in the city.  Write poems.  Paint, maybe.  Seek positivity.  Love. Be kind to self. No rush. Read books. Just flow.
Post a Comment
Read more
 Some thoughts. Our old generation glorified selfless acts to the point that they started calling putting themselves first as: 'selfish.'  To a certain period of time, I have also followed this pattern.  I thought taking care of me is selfish.  Where taking care of me is fundamental.  You cannot pour out of a cup, which is empty.  So pour yourself first.   I have to unlearn so many of these toxic patterns because these have made my life only miserable and problematic. I am learning that evolving is crucial for living with inner peace.  These days, I value so much about inner peace.  I'll choose it over others anytime, and it is not selfish. It is in fact for greater good.
Post a Comment
Read more

long distance again

 I came back from my trip. It was amazing 2 weeks of my life. Seeing him again after so long felt strange yet peaceful. I finally got to be in his arms again. 2 weeks flew by and now I am back home and back to work and normal hustle and bustle of life.  He got an extension offer and decided to stay for another 3 months. It is sad because he was supposed to be back next month. He asked me if he should take it and despite having my heart aching I supported him in the decision. It is not confirmed yet but he probably be staying another 3. Another 5 months of long distance. How am I going to survive the winter by myself? I don't know. Honestly, in my heart, I don't care about how much compensation he be getting. I miss him so much and this long distance thing is killing me inside. Today is Friday night and instead of cuddles and movie, I am home alone. No plans to look forward. No one to talk to. I am the loneliest girl on earth right now. He is probably sleeping and not picking u...
Post a Comment
Read more