This college destroyed my happiness.
They don't care about me.
They are spoiled kids.
I was so busy growing up, that I didn't realize what my brother was going through. He said, he was depressed for a very long time and he's not quite over yet. All blames to the college, the rich kids, our raising, all blames to the teachers and the stress of Cambridge. He didn't mention himself. He just whines about how sad his life is because of studying in that college. He says he doesn't fit in.
All his frustration and feeling alienated from social life, reminded me of my old self, not so old tho, I still kind of inherit this quality, being shy in front of people. Being easily embarrassed and having mood swings.Trying hard to fit in somewhere. I spent 7 years in a school that I hated passionately because I felt I deserved better. Only did I complain, how was I stuck in such poor and lower class, unpopular school with kids who didn't match me, who I didn't want to be friends with. And now when I think about it, I didn't actually work hard to get out of it. I didn't study well enough for the admission to Holy Cross in class 5 to change my fate. I was lazy and sad and only blaming my parents for putting me in such place. Then when I got promoted to class 7 something miracle happened. My father got a call from the principal of Holy Cross and I was in! I got admitted in my dream school! Where my sister got to study and where my dad wanted me to study since I was 5. I was nervous but more than that I was happy and excited about it.
I was in class 8 when I came to holycross. The first day went kind of crazy. Everybody was staring at me and asking my place. They seem pretty interested in knowing my previous results, how many marks I obtained and if I was willing to pick science at class 9. I didn't get to sit with everyone, I was seated separately to the extra desk they had to the very front of the class. Then it came all clear to me, day after day. Nobody likes new comers. I was their competitor. And I was extra. Everyday, I would sit alone, separating myself from them, separating myself from the group I always wanted to be in. I wasn't a good student. I just had to fit in. But I was so depressed that I couldn't study. I felt like going back to my old school, the school I spent my 7 years hating, I just wanted some friend whom I could feel some comfort with. The teachers were, some of them, very cold to me, because I wasn't a crossian, I came from some unpopular school and I obtained very low marks. My friends who came here from old school were in different section and they would only meet in the tiff-in time. I had no choice but to pick someone as my friend, who by the way was no match for me, she was a new comer too but everybody in the class hated her because she was short tempered and kind of an egoistic, where I had no ego. I was too soft and shy and nothing really matched. But I had no choice but to be friends with her because it was hard being a loner. Like this, a year passed. I didn't feel like it was my school, I felt always marooned to the place until the class party came. I felt like these people actually weren't that bad after all. I didn't realize some of them were already my friends. It was my first class party there and one of the best parties I'd ever attended since. They talked to me like never before, they complimented my hair and for the first time, I felt like I was one of them, this was my school too and from next year I would make plenty of friends and I would let go of pretending. And yeah, from the next year, I grew completely fond of the place and its people and I made awesome friends and my life changed. My days were filled with laughter and adventures like bunking classes with group of girls I taught bunking in the first place, hiding in one toilet with many of us when our principal came to spy on us. I made such good memories there. I never thought my life would turn into something that good, that awesome. From that moment I started to change, I stopped being shy and I became the talkative and funny person in the group. And college. College was spectacular. I love every fucking thing about it. I miss it even.
And to see my brother whining like this, it just brings back all the memories. The problems I faced being a new comer. But it just took a year off me, after that I was happy like never before. My life was pretty colorful. Sure I had been bullied when I first came to that school, I was bullied about my lack of good grades but I never got back at them. I never said any mean things to anyone. And when the year passed, I was surprised to see all the girls who were fond of me, wanted to be my friend. And maybe all my brother needs is an open mind, maybe he needs to be himself and let go of all the pretending. He doesn't have to try to belong or to fit in. It's all going to be okay. This time will pass. Even so he is not going to remember all this sadness and stress. He will remember how he survived it and all the good moments squeezed out of it.
They don't care about me.
They are spoiled kids.
I was so busy growing up, that I didn't realize what my brother was going through. He said, he was depressed for a very long time and he's not quite over yet. All blames to the college, the rich kids, our raising, all blames to the teachers and the stress of Cambridge. He didn't mention himself. He just whines about how sad his life is because of studying in that college. He says he doesn't fit in.
All his frustration and feeling alienated from social life, reminded me of my old self, not so old tho, I still kind of inherit this quality, being shy in front of people. Being easily embarrassed and having mood swings.Trying hard to fit in somewhere. I spent 7 years in a school that I hated passionately because I felt I deserved better. Only did I complain, how was I stuck in such poor and lower class, unpopular school with kids who didn't match me, who I didn't want to be friends with. And now when I think about it, I didn't actually work hard to get out of it. I didn't study well enough for the admission to Holy Cross in class 5 to change my fate. I was lazy and sad and only blaming my parents for putting me in such place. Then when I got promoted to class 7 something miracle happened. My father got a call from the principal of Holy Cross and I was in! I got admitted in my dream school! Where my sister got to study and where my dad wanted me to study since I was 5. I was nervous but more than that I was happy and excited about it.
I was in class 8 when I came to holycross. The first day went kind of crazy. Everybody was staring at me and asking my place. They seem pretty interested in knowing my previous results, how many marks I obtained and if I was willing to pick science at class 9. I didn't get to sit with everyone, I was seated separately to the extra desk they had to the very front of the class. Then it came all clear to me, day after day. Nobody likes new comers. I was their competitor. And I was extra. Everyday, I would sit alone, separating myself from them, separating myself from the group I always wanted to be in. I wasn't a good student. I just had to fit in. But I was so depressed that I couldn't study. I felt like going back to my old school, the school I spent my 7 years hating, I just wanted some friend whom I could feel some comfort with. The teachers were, some of them, very cold to me, because I wasn't a crossian, I came from some unpopular school and I obtained very low marks. My friends who came here from old school were in different section and they would only meet in the tiff-in time. I had no choice but to pick someone as my friend, who by the way was no match for me, she was a new comer too but everybody in the class hated her because she was short tempered and kind of an egoistic, where I had no ego. I was too soft and shy and nothing really matched. But I had no choice but to be friends with her because it was hard being a loner. Like this, a year passed. I didn't feel like it was my school, I felt always marooned to the place until the class party came. I felt like these people actually weren't that bad after all. I didn't realize some of them were already my friends. It was my first class party there and one of the best parties I'd ever attended since. They talked to me like never before, they complimented my hair and for the first time, I felt like I was one of them, this was my school too and from next year I would make plenty of friends and I would let go of pretending. And yeah, from the next year, I grew completely fond of the place and its people and I made awesome friends and my life changed. My days were filled with laughter and adventures like bunking classes with group of girls I taught bunking in the first place, hiding in one toilet with many of us when our principal came to spy on us. I made such good memories there. I never thought my life would turn into something that good, that awesome. From that moment I started to change, I stopped being shy and I became the talkative and funny person in the group. And college. College was spectacular. I love every fucking thing about it. I miss it even.
And to see my brother whining like this, it just brings back all the memories. The problems I faced being a new comer. But it just took a year off me, after that I was happy like never before. My life was pretty colorful. Sure I had been bullied when I first came to that school, I was bullied about my lack of good grades but I never got back at them. I never said any mean things to anyone. And when the year passed, I was surprised to see all the girls who were fond of me, wanted to be my friend. And maybe all my brother needs is an open mind, maybe he needs to be himself and let go of all the pretending. He doesn't have to try to belong or to fit in. It's all going to be okay. This time will pass. Even so he is not going to remember all this sadness and stress. He will remember how he survived it and all the good moments squeezed out of it.
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