Everly

So I realized the greater importance of me being established in life rather than wasting it on fancying a boy in my class. Because. Well. Don't treat your crush like god/goddess has got me thinking. Everybody has faults, even tho they might seem so perfect at first. My crush is a normal human being and as some features of him seem attractive, some turn me off. So I made this mental list of reasons to dislike him and it's helping me more and more to get busy with my own business and that is studying for quiz. “Operation Self-Esteem--Day Fucking One.”

These days I urge to be with someone. Someone who will give me stomach aching laughs and tears at the corner of my eye. Someone who will never make me feel lonely yet will isolate me from the world of chaos. Someone who will assure me that everything's gonna be okay when nothing is alright.  These days I urge to have a soul mate. I have always tried to ignore this fact since high school. Because it was easy to ignore. I wasn't in a coed, there were only room for studying and discussing celebrity crushes and tv shows. I was busy doing all that. College was so easy to survive. I had my gal pals and I had every reason to hate my life. But I didn't. It was still fun. Having a boyfriend was mythical, still is mythical but for some reasons currently I want to pull it back to reality. It's not that I am not busy now. I am busier than ever. I have to be proactive now. Uni life is all I will get to build up a career. I cannot waste it having stupid mythical thoughts. I will b...

You have no idea how freaky I am. Literally. I have a problem, I think I have. In my head. Or I am just born this way. He and his friends always sit behind me and my friends everyday. So I would, almost everyday to class, perfume myself in the back. :D How desperate and stupid do I sound? But today, he sat with my friends. Basically, we sat across each other. He was beside turtle dove(using those secret nicknames I gave my mates) and beside turtle dove was S&H, then me. I deliberately did that because, well...he is practically a stranger to me. I cannot just sit beside him and be completely okay. My heart will be pounding then and I would be sweating or stammering instead of flirting with him. And that is the problem. I think for that very reason... I will never be able to make him my friend. I am at this point where if I could just hangout with him as a friend, I would be happy. I would stop fantasizing, I would get to know him. I didn't even get his name right until tod...

There are some interesting characters in our English class. And I have secretly nicknamed them. You're right. I should get a life. The Arab Beauty The girl who came from Saudi, she comes in class with an Arabic vibe. She's Bangladeshi tho. She's the first person I met when my classes started. She has this killer eyebrow and facial expression and hizab frames her face pretty well. Talks a bit grumpy. But I like her. She reminds me of my old buddy Ann. Grumpy people sarcasm well. The Turtle Dove  I hope you're familiar with this term. Turtle Doves are symbol of friendship. This girl is full of it. You never have to face any awkwardness being around her. She'll befriend you right away. She's the Turtle Dove and super nice at heart. The Shorty and Hottie  So this girl is friends with turtle dove and have to say, not so friendly to hang out with. She minds her own business, and a bit boy clingy...I can tell, every single boy in our class is crushing on he...

College was different, Everybody wore a uniform, did hair in a braid or a ponytail and northstar keds in their feet. Although we used to complain about how tacky we looked every morning going to class, never had we thought how easy that look was to pull off. We didn't have to worry about matching things to things. It wasn't a competition to look pretty or presentable. Everyone was wearing the same old outfit everyday. Morning wasn't a haste. You climb outta bed, put on a uniform, toss your hair back in a ponytail, put your shoes on wearing last night's socks or without any socks, no one wasn't gonna notice anyway. You didn't have to think about which shade of lipstick you should wear today or make a mess of trying winged eyeliner or it wouldn't even matter if you forget wearing deodorant, at the end of the day you were going to smell anyway and other people would too. Now I feel that, being in university takes a lot of effort. I have to fix an outfit the ...

Today for the first time in my life, I gave a presentation. It was an impromptu one tho. My course teacher pushed me into doing this. Trust me those few mins felt like eternity of awkwardness. I was so nervous, my voice was shaking, heart was pounding yet I managed to pull it off. Not a proud moment tho. I was a mess...Yet I didn't give up. I finished it. Then I felt brave a little. I felt like this was a chance for me to make my voice heard. I was loud I guess but with a shaky pitch. But I don't pity me for what I did back there. Everybody has their moments when they actually start to learn, and I learned that it wasn't a such a deal, standing in front the class and give a presentation...I just had to look them in the eye and speak...I didn't look them in the eye. Well next time I will make sure I do. Yeah. It wasn't that bad. Btw, the presentation was on shy people. And I could relate to the topic all too well. But it made it look like shyness is a lack of pers...

Found the cutest boy in class, We were in the same group today and he asked me to sit beside him, Not because I was cute too, but that I was missing out what they were discussing and as a member of the group I needed to be a part. He was being friendly and I was already nervous. I couldn't breathe properly and wasn't paying any attention to discussion. Funny thing was he wasn't intimidating at all. He speaks well, connects with people, smells awfully nice and....I wish I could date him. Anyway, so clearly you can see, the group activity weren't going that well, one part of us were freshers and other part was senior, and as of my typicality counts, I am again crushed on a senior. He's in 3rd semester maybe so maybe not that much older. The embarrassing thing that happened today when I was called to readout the questions our team prepared and unfortunately I didn't pay much attention to the questions they had prepared, I didn't even read it first in my mind...

Today was fun! I enjoyed it. Really. The fun thing was actually when we had group task. And oh my god you wouldn't believe. There was this girl, who was practically throwing herself at another boy in our team. I think they probably knew each other but it was fucking weird, She didn't do any task or make any decisions, she was just playing with her hair and pinching that guy. Talk about substance. This girl had none. She was making stupid comments and the guy beside her was also an arrogant. But in the end, I am happy that I can handle group tasks well enough. I made the core decisions. The arrogant guy was suggesting very lame idea and basically I drove our team into a direction. And all other members in our team were fine with me so....and guess what? Ours came second. Almost won. There were no marks. It was fun tho. I realized there are many type of people. You have to cope with each and everyone. Maybe I could have protested when the arrogant guy abused one of our te...

First day of rest of the uni life! I had just one class so, nothing really happened between that hour. Saw new people, met a few, observed the teacher who was talking historically, at least trying to, because most of us were quiet. I actually don't wanna judge my uni life based on this. Anyway, I just realized I have a lot to work on. My speaking mostly. I don't talk much to the teacher. And today we were given an essay, free writing, which I should have slayed, but I was mostly lingering on it. I had ideas in my head but couldn't really make it work in the paper. This usually happens when I am nervous about something. Other times I write without having to think too much of a sentence. I write what I truly feel but today, I wasn't really into it. And now I am feeling that I have a very few knowledge about things. I am not proud of who I was today. Silent, scattered writing, sleepy. Tomorrow will be different I promise. I made a friend today, she seemed nice. And ...

Currently kind of overwhelmed by the varsity stuff. Had orientation just 3 days ago and I already feel this week being eventful. I don't know I am kind of stressed already. It's been hectic. Like deciding the courses, I've taken only three when I had free choice to add or change. I mean I should have taken at least 4. I don't wanna relax on my first semester and not apply for a scholarship. I want to be eligible for the scholarship from very start. Now I have to go through another hectic day to change this. I am already so dependent on my father for this admission things. I am already in need of guidance. I just don't understand why they have to make things so complicated for the students. Why can't they just simplify this admission procedure so we don't need to bring our parents into this. I really want to make this work but I haven't made any friends there, whom I can talk and work things out. So It's just me and my dad. Tho I have made a fr...

I've been waiting for this for months. My grandma went to her sisters to stay a couple days and I just got my room to myself first time in two months. So much privacy! I've missed this so much. So much! The reason I am sounding like a selfish grand-daughter is that, I love being alone in my room. I sometimes need expert's advice. And so I talk to myself...in American accent. Sometimes in Indian. What would my grandma think if she were here? She would probably think I've gone crazy or something. I mean I am a bit crazy alright, but she should not know that. Today I made proper use of my privacy. I danced to Arabic and Spanish songs in my robes. And newsflash: My closet burst out and a pile, no a mount of clothes dropped on me. This is what happens when you try to find a dress to wear to your varsity's orientation. My room was huge mess, the music was loud and it was perfect. The way I want my room to be. But then again, my mom was shouting so I had to clean up. ...

Dear 2016, Please don't be crappy. Be nice. The last one was evil to me. Let's just put all behind and make a new start. Who am I kidding, It has already started. Whoot. Happy New Year!!! :) :) :) Seriously don't suck. Sincerely, She-who-just-had-a-rough-year-wants-it-no-more.