Skip to main content
Words. It's all about words. It's all about what you speak.Not what you feel inside. So unfair you know. It gets hard sometimes. Saying what barely makes a sentence. Barely fits the hole in your heart. Sometimes, it gets so hard, to let out the thoughts you bury and simply no one cares.

It's absurd. Someday, you're gonna die. And no one will ever know what was inside your soul. What dreams or sorrow lied under your skin and bone. No one will ever know you. And you will be long gone. And you will not have any power over your stuff anymore. Things that you once used, will be a memory or sit in the back of your garage door. Your feelings, your emotions. They will disappear like you one day. And nothing you can do about it. I don't know, it just seems so....unfair to live this short and die for an eternity.

And to plan a future feels so vague sometimes. There's gonna be regrets anyway. No matter how much you succeeded you're gonna have regrets sometime in your life and you're gonna brood over it sometime. And when you're old, you won't have any dreams. You'll feel weak, ugly and alone. It's already so hard imagining it. Losing loved ones, losing youth.

The fact that I'm 19 doesn't change the fact that I will die. I may die, someday or tomorrow. Cause that's how things work in this universe. You're gifted with a life and that will be taken from you any moment. And the worst part is, no one will remember you if you were ordinary, if you were no legend. If you were shy and if you didn't say much. If you locked up your emotions and didn't let anyone in. No one will ever know you like you did, yourself.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

spring is almost here

Hi B,  Season is changing. The hard days are almost over.  The city I live in has turned so beautiful, I get overwhelmed by the beauty.  Tulips are in. Cherry blossoms are blossoming.  Magnolia, Beautiful white flowers, name unknown to me.  Taking a walk out feels like a celebration of life.  It feels like I'm falling in love with the city.  I remember when I first moved here 2 years ago, the excitement and the crippling anxiety of starting a new life from scratch. Now, after 2 years, I feel a warmth and love for the place.  I don't know if I would feel the same when the winter comes though. Seasonal depression is no joke.  My new mantra for life now is to chill.  Praise the nature and find pretty little corners in the city.  Write poems.  Paint, maybe.  Seek positivity.  Love. Be kind to self. No rush. Read books. Just flow.

long distance again

 I came back from my trip. It was amazing 2 weeks of my life. Seeing him again after so long felt strange yet peaceful. I finally got to be in his arms again. 2 weeks flew by and now I am back home and back to work and normal hustle and bustle of life.  He got an extension offer and decided to stay for another 3 months. It is sad because he was supposed to be back next month. He asked me if he should take it and despite having my heart aching I supported him in the decision. It is not confirmed yet but he probably be staying another 3. Another 5 months of long distance. How am I going to survive the winter by myself? I don't know. Honestly, in my heart, I don't care about how much compensation he be getting. I miss him so much and this long distance thing is killing me inside. Today is Friday night and instead of cuddles and movie, I am home alone. No plans to look forward. No one to talk to. I am the loneliest girl on earth right now. He is probably sleeping and not picking u...

winter together

 Dear B,  Sorry I've been so MIA. Here's the update you missed - My husband came back! He wasn't approved for those 3 months of extension. I've been getting enough cuddles and kisses to survive this winter.  Yes, winter is here. Never underestimate the Canadian winter. It's the worst. Everything is grey and dark. However, I am looking forward to going home in March. I'm so excited to see my friends again. Most importantly my parents and brother. It feels a strange kind of feeling. I am planning to 'visit' the place I was born and call home. It is definitely a new kind of feeling.  Things been okay. We are okay. I am glad to have him back.  We bought a new couch and a coffee table. It's still in back order and I'm impatiently waiting for them to arrive.  Can't believe only 4 days left to 2026. Time is flying so quick. Hope we talk again, B. I swear I missed you!