confession #86

This year is a very significant one for me. Because it had been different. It broke me in a way and built me in another. I'd been torn apart then again stitched up. It has been a different kind of year for me because when I look back at it, it takes me by surprise how I've changed and grown since.What I knew and what I know now. This year made me laugh and cry both at the same time and I started loving myself, my own existence like never before.I turned 18.I got into the hobby of keeping journals.Lived good moments with family and friends.Got into reading English cheesy love novels and enriched my vocabulary.Learned to let go of the things I love.And in this exact same year, I would learn how to live without the person who's considered my half self.My sister.You see, it's been a year full of changes and happenings that I never imagined would come up so fast. It gave me a clearer view of the reality and everything that I was once mindless to.If I were to say which of these I am thankful of, I would say the whole damn year. Because those breakdowns, depressions and failure and hungriness for success have only made me stronger. Now I know what my real dreams are.Now I know how to be at my best, by not pretending, by not burying my thoughts and expressions.I learned that feelings need to show. No matter how impossible it may sound in your head you just have to let it all out.I learned I wasn't actually a worthless child when my grand-mother scolded me for wearing boyish clothes.I learned that every person has their own perspectives and you don't have to go how they want you to go.The world will adjust. You don't have to. And you're never too old for watching morning cartoons or playing childish.I learned that it is okay to like boyish clothes because the comfort I find in those I never get in skirts or high-heels.(I am wearing my brother's one of the t-shirts that he's outgrown-Benefits of having a twin brother.) I realized I don't have to wear heavy make-up to feel beautiful.A lot of things relate to that term.And I also learned never to be ashamed of the choices I make.Also that I need friends even when I think I can be on my own.Learned that when you're utterly lost, you'll get your way. And everything does fall together but with time.
This year has been a remarkable one. It left me with things I will never forget and I'd take it as an asset for life.