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You know there comes a time, at night, in the middle of the week or so to the end, I feel completely powerless and break down in tears, and my heart doesn't wanna breathe anymore. I feel like I am in void, and there's no one out there for me. I cry to the end of the night, I curl up and I feel so small and endangered. All the fears come crippling in. And I remember every little thing that hurt me since childhood to adolescence and to now. There's no stopping to it. I remember every detail to the story. And I mourn in present to my past. And my future scares the shit out of me. I keep thinking, is there gonna be anyone who will make me feel safe?

The problem isn't that I am single. The problem is, I feel insecure about everything. Every freaking thing. And that's not healthy. Due to this feeling, I need constant assurance, which I don't get. Because I am not so close to anybody in my life. Yes I cry. And that is because sometimes it gets too heavy in my heart and I feel like I am gonna explode if I don't let out a huge dramatic cry in the silence of the night. Only when the sun goes up, I fall back to sleep. I had my break down for this month now I guess...I don't know still how many to come, but I think I am  done for now.


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