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The thought of him still occurs. It is not like I don't love him anymore. I still do. But the need to constantly want him in my life, to physically be around him have undermined. I wish it was possible to erase all the memories that he has caused me. I wish I could forget him, him individually. Nope. Alzheimer cannot cure that.

I always wondered, what would it be like if he liked me back, or think about me the way I think about him. Would it be like one of the cinemas, where love prevails over everything? Would I be happy forever? I am no expert in relationships, so what do I know? I miss those feelings I once felt. It was inspiring. I used to get up for class as early as I could so I could see him and he could see me and say I am beautiful without him realizing how that'd made me feel. Compliments are evil. They make you end up wanting more. I miss those feelings sometimes. I don't know if I will ever feel something like this again. I don't know if I could like someone like that again. I don't know if someone will ever like me back too. You know it's kinda hard being like this. Never had the feeling of being loved. I want to fall in love I really do. It looks so wonderful in the cinemas and in real life too. All though couples go through a lot of issues.

I guess it is my period talking. When I am sober from hormones, I still feel like I am alone and I need to be with someone in order to feel like I belong to the society. Is it because of my insecurities? Maybe.













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