Skip to main content
Today was something extra-ordinary. I am glad that residential semester happened because it brought me friends, people who make me feel like I belong somewhere, people who give me perspective. I love that this year, we had this amazing hangout, we got to enjoy ourselves, despite some of us are going through personal problems, heartbreaks, financial crisis or any kind of crisis. We were there, the music was louder than our problems, the screaming and shouts, everything felt like this is how it should be.

And I realized how much I love Singer Guy. We don't belong but I love him, he doesn't love me but I do. And it doesn't ache me anymore. I accepted that the universe won't let us be, I accepted that he will love any girl but me. Even that he is not the one. But I love him anyway. It isn't a waste. It is just in the moment. Time will save me. But right now, I know. I love him. And he likes me a little bit. As a friend of course. And it is enough.

And on the second note, my brother is developing mental problems. His syndromes tell me, he is schizophrenic. Last night my mother found him sitting on the wardrobe searching for hidden cameras. He thinks, some people spies him around the house. He hears noises. He hears whispers and things. I don't know what to do. But I am not going to deal with this right now. I can't. Today went well. I let myself forget the fact that, my brother is mentally sick. I let myself believe that everything will be okay.


He will be okay.
He will be okay.
He will be okay.
He has to be okay.
He will be okay.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

spring is almost here

Hi B,  Season is changing. The hard days are almost over.  The city I live in has turned so beautiful, I get overwhelmed by the beauty.  Tulips are in. Cherry blossoms are blossoming.  Magnolia, Beautiful white flowers, name unknown to me.  Taking a walk out feels like a celebration of life.  It feels like I'm falling in love with the city.  I remember when I first moved here 2 years ago, the excitement and the crippling anxiety of starting a new life from scratch. Now, after 2 years, I feel a warmth and love for the place.  I don't know if I would feel the same when the winter comes though. Seasonal depression is no joke.  My new mantra for life now is to chill.  Praise the nature and find pretty little corners in the city.  Write poems.  Paint, maybe.  Seek positivity.  Love. Be kind to self. No rush. Read books. Just flow.
Post a Comment
Read more
 Some thoughts. Our old generation glorified selfless acts to the point that they started calling putting themselves first as: 'selfish.'  To a certain period of time, I have also followed this pattern.  I thought taking care of me is selfish.  Where taking care of me is fundamental.  You cannot pour out of a cup, which is empty.  So pour yourself first.   I have to unlearn so many of these toxic patterns because these have made my life only miserable and problematic. I am learning that evolving is crucial for living with inner peace.  These days, I value so much about inner peace.  I'll choose it over others anytime, and it is not selfish. It is in fact for greater good.
Post a Comment
Read more

long distance again

 I came back from my trip. It was amazing 2 weeks of my life. Seeing him again after so long felt strange yet peaceful. I finally got to be in his arms again. 2 weeks flew by and now I am back home and back to work and normal hustle and bustle of life.  He got an extension offer and decided to stay for another 3 months. It is sad because he was supposed to be back next month. He asked me if he should take it and despite having my heart aching I supported him in the decision. It is not confirmed yet but he probably be staying another 3. Another 5 months of long distance. How am I going to survive the winter by myself? I don't know. Honestly, in my heart, I don't care about how much compensation he be getting. I miss him so much and this long distance thing is killing me inside. Today is Friday night and instead of cuddles and movie, I am home alone. No plans to look forward. No one to talk to. I am the loneliest girl on earth right now. He is probably sleeping and not picking u...
Post a Comment
Read more