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Okay everything was going pretty well until he came, and I saw him all dark and gloomy and all my happy giggles were gone...I don't know why I can't get out of this cycle. Why I can't just cut him out of life and let him be and let myself be. It's just that, I thought we were becoming friends again, connecting where it was off and now suddenly again, I am seeing him Mood down. I can't see him like this. I wanna know what goes in that mind. Like really...

I thought 2017 would be my year. I won't be dominated. I won't be distracted. But this is day one in this semester, I am at the same place I was before. Craving his attention. Craving his smile. Craving just one HI. How are you. My day doesn't go well/finish well without this. I don't know. It has just become a ritual. When he ignores me like this- I feel like shit, I feel like I am no one in his life and it kinda/sorta hurts.

Anyway. My first class without Turtle dove. It'd gone pretty well. I think I can survive this. I THINK.

On the bright side. I got myself a chat buddy. I don't know him. I will eventually. Or not.. I don't know how it works in those apps. This isn't Tinder. I uninstalled tinder. This is an confessional app and so far I am liking it.



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