I don't have any clue what are we. Friends? Or awkward acquaintances? He talked to me today after what felt like eternity. He said, to give him time, he will come back at me. To bully me. I am not sure yet. I still have feelings left, I still am shy around him. I behave like I don't cringe when he calls me sis. I wish he hadn't called me that. It is weird. I am not that close to him. We don't speak much for god's sake. I am not even sure us being "friends" anymore. He's been mute for like a month maybe. I'd been ignoring him...Now today out of nowhere. He speaks to me again. This is weird.
Some thoughts. Our old generation glorified selfless acts to the point that they started calling putting themselves first as: 'selfish.' To a certain period of time, I have also followed this pattern. I thought taking care of me is selfish. Where taking care of me is fundamental. You cannot pour out of a cup, which is empty. So pour yourself first. I have to unlearn so many of these toxic patterns because these have made my life only miserable and problematic. I am learning that evolving is crucial for living with inner peace. These days, I value so much about inner peace. I'll choose it over others anytime, and it is not selfish. It is in fact for greater good.
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