Skip to main content

confession #95

I don't know what's gotten into me nowadays, I am trying to follow a healthy lifestyle. I feel extra conscious about sleeping proper 6 hours at night, just to get rid of my dark circles. And I've gone ever so dramatic over cleansing and moisturizing my skin...If you'd searched my web history, you'd find a bunch of stuffs about lotion reviews.And yesterday, my mom got so crazy over me because I bathed around an hour in shivering cold.And now I have a tendency of cleansing and moisturizing my face every half an hour. okay this has gone too far. I should probably stop.

I guess I'm up for a change. This year has started so fast, as to me, I didn't see it coming. Nothing really feels anew. To bring out the new year spirit, I have decided to go for a change. Change of my routine, lifestyle, music taste and read more books than I usually read. I think a change is all I need right now. Because I went through some really chaotic situation past few weeks, I need a sober up.

Everyday is a strike now. No one literally cares about life-risk. I have model-tests every day, and I've to sacrifice my peaceful morning sleep and in a daily basis. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get up from bed these days? It seems like I am glued to bed, super-glued and nobody could ever free me from it.But that I have tests to give and my parents won't be much happy about me bunking tests before HSC, neither am I so I have to get up anyway. You don't have any idea how torturous it gets. I yawn like every half an hour the day, and at night I sleep like a pig. And in the afternoon I feel like going for a beauty sleep but these days I am extra conscious about not sleeping in wet hair.So this is my life right now.

Oh and have you already reached a conclusion on the fact that I'd stopped confessing about my McDreamy? Then you should probably rethink it because I've got one. And I don't blame you, I too had thought it was over, I'd gone numb about him. But today when I saw him in a hoodie and jeans, I kind of fell in reverse.Like all those feelings stroke back again, I still get flattered, jealous, confused and extremely shy when he's around.Let's not dig deep. I'm not in the mood for talking feelings that I had buried ages ago.
He didn't look his age today, at all. He looked as if he were a teenage boy. And his jeans fit him well. I absolutely fell in love with the hoodie he was wearing. *Typically me*. He was actually looking kinda cute. I never knew the word "cute" could really go with his looks,until today. 


No wonder why I am writing an essay-like blog post, I actually missed blogging. Everyday I have to study for tests, so I don't get much time to type all up. I have stat and accounting tomorrow, I should probably get going. I didn't study all day. *Typically me*.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

opposite sides of a coin

Hi B,  I've been sort of busy with the training for the job and have another interview coming tomorrow. I am torn between staying with the current job and switching or keeping both as part times. I don't know, I guess I will have a decision made if the interview goes well. I have been traveling far for the current one and every time I get on the bus or the the train I feel depression kicking in full force. Suddenly I remember home, the comfort of being around my loved ones, the easy life I once had back in Bangladesh. Certainly, there are things that weren't easy but I guess it felt easy because I was more used to it. Transport was rickshaw and didn't even think twice before booking an uber because I always had some money with me. Now I have literally 200 dollars to go by and I have to think twice to even buy a cup of coffee or a piece of bread. I guess with time, I will be able to save up some money. I am glad at least I got to start working. It is still very overwhelm...

spring is almost here

Hi B,  Season is changing. The hard days are almost over.  The city I live in has turned so beautiful, I get overwhelmed by the beauty.  Tulips are in. Cherry blossoms are blossoming.  Magnolia, Beautiful white flowers, name unknown to me.  Taking a walk out feels like a celebration of life.  It feels like I'm falling in love with the city.  I remember when I first moved here 2 years ago, the excitement and the crippling anxiety of starting a new life from scratch. Now, after 2 years, I feel a warmth and love for the place.  I don't know if I would feel the same when the winter comes though. Seasonal depression is no joke.  My new mantra for life now is to chill.  Praise the nature and find pretty little corners in the city.  Write poems.  Paint, maybe.  Seek positivity.  Love. Be kind to self. No rush. Read books. Just flow.

healing in progress

 Dear B,  What I learned from the past week is that I tend to take on grief from others in my family like my own. Even though there is nothing I can do about it to ease other's pain. Hence, I suffer internally.  There is a song that I deeply connect with:  Tu Jhoom | Naseebo Lal x Abida Parveen. It kind of goes like this: “What is meant to be yours will find you through any excuse. My heart, understand that there is nothing in your control. You just swirl (let it go)” My brother recently got rejected from a marriage proposal from a girl he really liked. It was arranged but this was his first experience talking with a girl. Seeing him being torn left me in tears as I know how much he was hurting. He is such a gentle soul. I took his pain as if my own and could not sleep at night. Nothing I say could ease his suffering but I still tried to cheer him up. I prayed genuinely for him to be showered with blessings. I want him to experience life, be with someone who would ca...