Today was different. I finally talked. To my friends. And my family. The whole week I was mute with them. Mostly because I had the pms, I was pissed at my brother IDK everything he did, just pissed me. And my father was quiet this week in particular. He was a little upset on me because I didn't sit to study for a bit. Then he got fever for two days and mashallah now he's okay. My mother backfired me. She was as she is always. Whenever she shouted I kept ignoring her and I listened to plenty of music. And Friends on putlocker kept me preoccupied. But I was pissed, on myself and at everyone for no reason.
Today I went to my friend's house. Guess what? Babies love me. My friend's sister's 3 year old who according to them, is very selective in terms of human contact, came to me, sat on my lap, neither of my friend's or her aunt's and I just felt precious. She was cute. Maybe not as cute as Anisha but she made me feel so special.
I finally talked. I came back home and my api and bhaiya were there. I spent some time with them even when I was tired and hung-up. Even when I was holding secrets that we all friends do after a hangout but anyway my mother didn't have to know. And I was okay. I didn't feel lonely or left behind. I complained against life and stuffs like a normal teenager would do with their families over dinner and defended myself over things my mom would playfully say. After a whole week it was finally normal, I was finally someone normal as my age.
Then they took their leave, my dad, my brother and I, we went to our rooftop at like 11 pm. And spent a whole hour and half there while watching stars my cheeks pressing against my father's shoulder, sitting on our old swing set. And my brother was sitting aside the swing. We weren't quiet. We talked on various subjects.Mainly my dad and I talked my brother listened. Mythology.Religion. History. Space and time and so much. It was full moon. The clouds were moving and the gentle breeze, so fresh and peace. I felt so lucky and precious again to be at that moment. To be present. To be existed. I loved every piece of it. And I finally talked.
I didn't argue over a whole week. It wasn't something you call healthy. I dismissed everyone around me, or just tried to focus on myself, tried to hear only myself. I almost forgot how to compliment. I didn't even look into anyone's eyes but today I did. I actually talked. I conversed. I felt something. I shared. I laughed. I exhausted. I showed I care. I hid secrets, I blurted out secrets. I took risks. I expressed. I showed them I was an individual and I cannot be replaced. Today I existed.
Today I went to my friend's house. Guess what? Babies love me. My friend's sister's 3 year old who according to them, is very selective in terms of human contact, came to me, sat on my lap, neither of my friend's or her aunt's and I just felt precious. She was cute. Maybe not as cute as Anisha but she made me feel so special.
I finally talked. I came back home and my api and bhaiya were there. I spent some time with them even when I was tired and hung-up. Even when I was holding secrets that we all friends do after a hangout but anyway my mother didn't have to know. And I was okay. I didn't feel lonely or left behind. I complained against life and stuffs like a normal teenager would do with their families over dinner and defended myself over things my mom would playfully say. After a whole week it was finally normal, I was finally someone normal as my age.
Then they took their leave, my dad, my brother and I, we went to our rooftop at like 11 pm. And spent a whole hour and half there while watching stars my cheeks pressing against my father's shoulder, sitting on our old swing set. And my brother was sitting aside the swing. We weren't quiet. We talked on various subjects.Mainly my dad and I talked my brother listened. Mythology.Religion. History. Space and time and so much. It was full moon. The clouds were moving and the gentle breeze, so fresh and peace. I felt so lucky and precious again to be at that moment. To be present. To be existed. I loved every piece of it. And I finally talked.
I didn't argue over a whole week. It wasn't something you call healthy. I dismissed everyone around me, or just tried to focus on myself, tried to hear only myself. I almost forgot how to compliment. I didn't even look into anyone's eyes but today I did. I actually talked. I conversed. I felt something. I shared. I laughed. I exhausted. I showed I care. I hid secrets, I blurted out secrets. I took risks. I expressed. I showed them I was an individual and I cannot be replaced. Today I existed.
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