I don't like jumping into conclusion before I am perfectly aware of any matter. When I am into something, I am deeply into it, when I am not, I am passionately not.
I'm feeling alone. I am alone. I am so alone that I can't sleep. If a person was in my room right now and if I had to be silent, I would delightfully be. It's not like I am craving to talk or anything. I am just...I guess, I am tired of this feeling. I am tired of thinking that this is my life. I have to live it like this. And that I feel marooned at my own house. I feel like my soul deserves to be elsewhere, and I want to end up there. I want to get a life, so I can forget how lonely I am. How disordered and unfit I am. Even my writing says it.
Here's a confession.
I think have obsessive compulsive disorder. (OCD) Judging from the symptoms I have.
I repeat actions countless times to be sure. My thoughts are obsessive and I have no control over it sometimes. I label memories. I think I am a bipolar. I think that I have cancer, I often think I am gonna die pretty soon. I have a sleeping disorder. I have it for couple of years now. And whenever I get acne, I give my hopes up and loathe myself. I often question people about myself to be sure, to feel secure but it doesn't work. I get really frustrated when things don't work out like they should. I don't have any obsession dealing with cleaning or like keeping things in certain order. But I don't know for some reason, I think something is wrong with me. I often think I am not likeable. I am often in doubt with myself. And so I just, I feel that it is unavoidable, and often I would try to fix it, but no matter how hard I try I just end up failing. I end up frustrated, sad, defeated by my own thoughts. And I find myself alone to be dealing with this. So I conceal what I feel. I pretend that I am happy and not lonely in midst of a crowd and I try to believe it, I try to believe I'm happy.
I'm feeling alone. I am alone. I am so alone that I can't sleep. If a person was in my room right now and if I had to be silent, I would delightfully be. It's not like I am craving to talk or anything. I am just...I guess, I am tired of this feeling. I am tired of thinking that this is my life. I have to live it like this. And that I feel marooned at my own house. I feel like my soul deserves to be elsewhere, and I want to end up there. I want to get a life, so I can forget how lonely I am. How disordered and unfit I am. Even my writing says it.
Here's a confession.
I think have obsessive compulsive disorder. (OCD) Judging from the symptoms I have.
I repeat actions countless times to be sure. My thoughts are obsessive and I have no control over it sometimes. I label memories. I think I am a bipolar. I think that I have cancer, I often think I am gonna die pretty soon. I have a sleeping disorder. I have it for couple of years now. And whenever I get acne, I give my hopes up and loathe myself. I often question people about myself to be sure, to feel secure but it doesn't work. I get really frustrated when things don't work out like they should. I don't have any obsession dealing with cleaning or like keeping things in certain order. But I don't know for some reason, I think something is wrong with me. I often think I am not likeable. I am often in doubt with myself. And so I just, I feel that it is unavoidable, and often I would try to fix it, but no matter how hard I try I just end up failing. I end up frustrated, sad, defeated by my own thoughts. And I find myself alone to be dealing with this. So I conceal what I feel. I pretend that I am happy and not lonely in midst of a crowd and I try to believe it, I try to believe I'm happy.
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