Everly

He bothers me. I just cannot get him out of my head. I've rarely seen people, so sure of what they are and what they're doing, he is just one of those people, so confident and sarcastic and everything I would want to see in a man. I am talking about the guy who I was previously, previously crushing on. The one in a committed relationship. I thought I was over him, He holds no good for me. He just looks down at me, like I am some girl with no good potentials, like I am some weak person for him to pick on, it's a dangerous game. But I can't stop myself from falling hard. He is just. So perfect with his sexy voice and swag. I don't know yet why he does it. Yesterday, I caught him staring at me with a smirk on his face, saying "I like you." Of course he means as a friend. Or a sister even, I don't know.This is really hard. I can't process his bullying me most of the time, it's like he can't talk with me without picking on me. Every time he wou...

I am at season 5 now. All the Ramsay Bolton Cruelty. One of my friends, he used to call me Ramsay Bolton, not that I have any similarities with the character, God's sake, no. Ramsay sliced dicks and liked to torment his prisoners, I am nowhere near him. It's just my name recites somewhat same with the name Ramsay. I didn't mind when he used to call me that, but now that I have watched what the character actually do...oh gosh I have to pursue him to stop calling me by that cruel beast. I could be Sansa. Yes Sansa Stark is much better character. And she's pretty as well. She's almost like me, delusional. And trusts people rather easily.

Before this residential semester happened, I was in fear of getting apart with my friends, mostly Turtle Dove, not that we were close in the first place, we were both annoyingly nice with each other, that means there were not so much real friendship going on. But she was always there for me, and  I too. So I felt secure. But after this semester, you can say my fear came true, I just figured out her more and more and I have to say this, though it is judgmental of me, still. She fakes a lot. I knew that. And I liked that when she did it with other people, it helps keeping her connected with them, but I personally hate that when she fakes with me. Because I am real with her. I considered her as one of my best friend, all this time, because with her I can be who I am, but now I realized some things about her that is making me keep a distance.One thing I already mentioned. Other things are- She is a happiness sucker. She whines a lot. Which I do too but not all my conversation are abou...

Bizarre! Watching Game of Thrones has now become my guilty pleasure. There's so much cruelty and shocking things and not to forget the explicit stuffs. I just...Oh gosh the episode 9 of season 3, just wrecked me. What the fuck was happening in there. How. I just couldn't. It was too much. Still I am not over it. I mean do they have to slaughter lady Stark and and her son in a wedding, and to make it seem more cruel than it already is, they put wolf's head on to Rob Stark's neck and screamed king of the North and Just about then Arya met his brother...I mean this is beyond...I-uh...And how his pregnant wife was being constantly stabbed in the stomach...I know this isn't real but... I just can't. I can't. It wasn't fair. And they let the Lannisters win I mean fuck them. I was team Stark. And just don't get me started on what Yigritte just did to Jon. I just can't watch Jon being hurt, too much for me. But I am invested on this. I can't stop ...

My parents are shouting at me, it's a thing nowadays, they shout at me every single time I have to do something like eating dinner. I am hungry but I just feel like sitting here. I was going through some photos in my newsfeed, one of my classmates back in residential semester, spent her break in New Zealand. I couldn't help myself wondering, When is it my turn to travel outside the country? When will I be able to do that? I have been to nowhere out the world. I am stuck in this stupid place, where nothing is that pretty compared to European Beauty. I wish I belonged to one of those rich countries...I wish I was born somewhere near sea. I wouldn't want anything then I guess. Whenever I am sad, I would just go to the beach and soak my feet in the water and sand on my skin. I hate where I am right now. I want to leave so bad. I crave leaving so much. I have to work hard to have enough money so that I leave this place forever and never ever come back. This place should be my...

I just realized only 4 and half months are left of 2016. Then we'll start on a new digit.I will be another year old. It scares me literally how time flies. Sadly enough there's no achievement I unlocked to mark this year. It almost happens every fucking year. I don't see myself progressing. Although I had spent three months without my family, does that count as something? Oh and I also ramp walked on stage in cultural night, have I told you before. It was so awkward walking like model. Thank god I wasn't alone, D was there with me. We also sang Fix You as a collab with the big group I hung out with on that function. The first time I ever did something without being just an audience. That night was spectacular. I will never forget. The rush I felt in my blood while singing to the crowd, they held their phones up flashing lights. We were singing out of scale though because most of us couldn't sing, we were all bathroom singers, but never did it hold our passion in...

I am glad to report you that I am feeling like living again. Basically, a full night's sleep helped me gain this perspective. Why bother feeling terrible when there are still things to live for and look forward to. And I have decided the things I don't love, and Love. Let's just do more of those I love, like- Watching music videos on youtube via our new SmartTv Chatting with my cousin sis about boys, basically sharing our instincts. Doodling Asking my friends on chat, their whereabouts, telling them they are missed. Being sarcastic in those chats...okay almost everything involves internet because well I am stuck at home. Things I am not loving-Group chats, sleeping and feeling sleepy, exercising. Okay no more crappy days. I vow to keep myself happy.