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life lately?

 Hi B, 

I'm okay. 

I want to believe I am. 

Oh my brother's getting married next month. 

He is having the reception in January. I am not too pumped to go back to attend though. I don't know it just stresses me out. 

I have to ask for leave from work and currently they're understaffed. I'm not sure they will give me a soon enough decision and by the time the ticket prices will be crazy. 

I don't know, will see. 

Recently, I've been feeling sort of repulsed by my family. I feel like the person they used to know has been long gone. I feel like I'm not how I used to be. I'm different and they don't have the room to accommodate the newer version of me. 

I'm seeing a therapist. I just had 2 sessions. I don't know if it's helping. I do feel kinda lost right now. There are things I want to do but I can't make myself do it. However, I've been making a little progress. I started exercising every day, which has been making me feel better. At least some progress.

I don't know- Life has been a little stagnant? 

Things between my husband and I- are okay. I do feel like the sparks are gone. 

We still love each other but there are times, I really hope he makes some effort to be romantic again but he doesn't. 

I guess I gotta find new hobbies. I can't let my world be revolved around my husband. I got to find my passion, a purpose, something that makes me feel alive. 

I'm 30. Can you believe it?

I do feel like I'm becoming more grounded. 

I do feel like there's a transformation that awaits me. 

It's just the process that is hard. 

I do see myself rising up, a better version awaits me. I just have to work toward it. 

Don't worry B, I am okay. 

I will get through it. 

It's a feeling that I can't really describe all in words. 

I guess I'm just adulting.

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