Everly

So I realized the greater importance of me being established in life rather than wasting it on fancying a boy in my class. Because. Well. Don't treat your crush like god/goddess has got me thinking. Everybody has faults, even tho they might seem so perfect at first. My crush is a normal human being and as some features of him seem attractive, some turn me off. So I made this mental list of reasons to dislike him and it's helping me more and more to get busy with my own business and that is studying for quiz. “Operation Self-Esteem--Day Fucking One.”

These days I urge to be with someone. Someone who will give me stomach aching laughs and tears at the corner of my eye. Someone who will never make me feel lonely yet will isolate me from the world of chaos. Someone who will assure me that everything's gonna be okay when nothing is alright.  These days I urge to have a soul mate. I have always tried to ignore this fact since high school. Because it was easy to ignore. I wasn't in a coed, there were only room for studying and discussing celebrity crushes and tv shows. I was busy doing all that. College was so easy to survive. I had my gal pals and I had every reason to hate my life. But I didn't. It was still fun. Having a boyfriend was mythical, still is mythical but for some reasons currently I want to pull it back to reality. It's not that I am not busy now. I am busier than ever. I have to be proactive now. Uni life is all I will get to build up a career. I cannot waste it having stupid mythical thoughts. I will b...

You have no idea how freaky I am. Literally. I have a problem, I think I have. In my head. Or I am just born this way. He and his friends always sit behind me and my friends everyday. So I would, almost everyday to class, perfume myself in the back. :D How desperate and stupid do I sound? But today, he sat with my friends. Basically, we sat across each other. He was beside turtle dove(using those secret nicknames I gave my mates) and beside turtle dove was S&H, then me. I deliberately did that because, well...he is practically a stranger to me. I cannot just sit beside him and be completely okay. My heart will be pounding then and I would be sweating or stammering instead of flirting with him. And that is the problem. I think for that very reason... I will never be able to make him my friend. I am at this point where if I could just hangout with him as a friend, I would be happy. I would stop fantasizing, I would get to know him. I didn't even get his name right until tod...

There are some interesting characters in our English class. And I have secretly nicknamed them. You're right. I should get a life. The Arab Beauty The girl who came from Saudi, she comes in class with an Arabic vibe. She's Bangladeshi tho. She's the first person I met when my classes started. She has this killer eyebrow and facial expression and hizab frames her face pretty well. Talks a bit grumpy. But I like her. She reminds me of my old buddy Ann. Grumpy people sarcasm well. The Turtle Dove  I hope you're familiar with this term. Turtle Doves are symbol of friendship. This girl is full of it. You never have to face any awkwardness being around her. She'll befriend you right away. She's the Turtle Dove and super nice at heart. The Shorty and Hottie  So this girl is friends with turtle dove and have to say, not so friendly to hang out with. She minds her own business, and a bit boy clingy...I can tell, every single boy in our class is crushing on he...

College was different, Everybody wore a uniform, did hair in a braid or a ponytail and northstar keds in their feet. Although we used to complain about how tacky we looked every morning going to class, never had we thought how easy that look was to pull off. We didn't have to worry about matching things to things. It wasn't a competition to look pretty or presentable. Everyone was wearing the same old outfit everyday. Morning wasn't a haste. You climb outta bed, put on a uniform, toss your hair back in a ponytail, put your shoes on wearing last night's socks or without any socks, no one wasn't gonna notice anyway. You didn't have to think about which shade of lipstick you should wear today or make a mess of trying winged eyeliner or it wouldn't even matter if you forget wearing deodorant, at the end of the day you were going to smell anyway and other people would too. Now I feel that, being in university takes a lot of effort. I have to fix an outfit the ...

Today for the first time in my life, I gave a presentation. It was an impromptu one tho. My course teacher pushed me into doing this. Trust me those few mins felt like eternity of awkwardness. I was so nervous, my voice was shaking, heart was pounding yet I managed to pull it off. Not a proud moment tho. I was a mess...Yet I didn't give up. I finished it. Then I felt brave a little. I felt like this was a chance for me to make my voice heard. I was loud I guess but with a shaky pitch. But I don't pity me for what I did back there. Everybody has their moments when they actually start to learn, and I learned that it wasn't a such a deal, standing in front the class and give a presentation...I just had to look them in the eye and speak...I didn't look them in the eye. Well next time I will make sure I do. Yeah. It wasn't that bad. Btw, the presentation was on shy people. And I could relate to the topic all too well. But it made it look like shyness is a lack of pers...