Everly

I couch exercise. Is  that a thing even? Over-sitting is some-thing I know. So apparently I need to get a life. It's funny how I used to crave for vacation, now when I have it, I feel like I don't worth it. Sitting lazy, reading books and binge watching Modern Family just not bringing out the holiday vibes. You know what I actually wanna do on holidays? Skydiving. Hiking. Exploring places. Sure my life isn't a fairy tale and I am not living a teenage dream. What else should I say to keep it real. I need to get a life. Tomorrow is 31st and all I got is family dinner, saying hi to uncle who just came from America. Oh my pathetic dear life.

Waiting desperately for a new beginning. 2015. A remarkable year for me. Unlike every year, this year has actually made me realize how the world is out there. How to act in a grown up way no matter how much childlike nature I have inside of me. I think every person has a child inside of them, that's why people say- " Act grownup." It's all an act, keeping the mind in illusion. Pretending you're worthy to be called an adult, taking responsibilities and fulfilling them.  How much I have to learn. No there's no measurement there. It's all about how much you can gain, not about how much is there. And I am up for it. I will let myself free off the boundaries and image. I will embarrass myself until I get to the point where I can completely be myself. This is almost the end of the year, the time to reflect. I think God wants you to face your insecurities and your biggest ones. Because once you do it, you get courage. And it's a great reward. I am not ...

Confession. I always want everything to go my way. And my happiness are mostly materialistic. I don't lack substance. It's just that...I have odd obsessions toward houses, decor, gadgets and other worldly things. And I like being alone, because being alone means creativeness. Being alone means you can sort yourself out whenever your life is messy. I'm kind of a control freak. I don't like people butting in my life and advise me how to be. But certain people don't understand that and so I like to take no action. I go for silent treatment. I bury every emotion I feel and just don't act at all. This is how I adjust. Dear 30 year old me, I am hoping you're able to read this while you don't have diabetics, BP or any other disease. I am hoping that you're alive and healthy and aren't ashamed of your body anymore. That you are a strong independent woman with good humor and also a flirt. If you're not any of these things, don't worry, I ...

Reading has always been my friend, pulled me through all the distress life has in for me. I overthink that's my problem. Solution? I overthink.

I have to say I am kind of lost. I want to find the very essence of me where I am happy. Giggly happy. And so I have decided to write myself a list. A list for 2016. There it goes. Buy pretty and comfortable shoes . You're gonna be in varsity soon and trust me. Shoes tell a lot about the person you are. Get rid of those flaky flats and invest all your savings on combat boots or lacy tolerable heels. Trust me. You'll need them. Write. Start a journal. Improve your sentences. Grow a discipline Keep up with other people. Now this is most important. Because you are a business student and you have to engage with people. Make phone calls to your old best friends, chat a while, see how they've been doing. Learn some humor. Laugh it out. Be there for your friends and family. Give yourself treats! Get all dolled up whenever you have a party to attend to. Keep yourself fresh and pretty. Get your lazy ass out the sofa and start taking care of your skin. Drink lots of wate...

I don't know what happened. Why am I keeping my feelings bottled up. I'm so tired. I can't accept myself the way I am. I can't see my face in the mirror. I don't like wearing makeup anymore. And I loathe myself for being too emotional rather than being rational. Why do I have feelings. Why do I care so much and get hurt afterwards. Simply why am I so invested in things? Why can't I keep myself apart? The more I try to stay apart the more I get involved. The more I get hurt. I am not sure if it's that time of the month again but I am just not feeling good or jolly or anything I could identify as positive. Today I wanted to sleep all day and never get up from bed but I had other plans to give prior to. I couldn't stay in bed today, went to my cousin's house to spend some time. Anika and mysha went with me too and I thought it was worth it, getting together and having lunch with them would make me feel good. But I didn't feel good. I was just c...

I figured out what the problem is. I am sick of everybody pointing fingers at me and my family. I would understand if they were perfect in their lives. They judge us like they are oh-so-perfect and doing everything the right way possible. They have this ego which we lack in. I am brought up in such family that I hardly show off my feelings. My parents are emotional and their intentions are always concise. We don't trick people, we certainly don't let them down. My parents are protective of me and I respect that. Because I know how much they care for me. But I am sick of every one of them who thinks there's something wrong with me, my sister or my brother or my parents. We are raised with love and care and my dad has always been kind. But let me be precise. Why am I so upset with my aunties and cousins. They don't understand how hurtful their comments are toward us. Yesterday I went to my cousin's house and all I could see was they were all united in shading my ...