I didn't shower for two consecutive days because I dozed off after coming home from class, woke the next morning to class wearing tons of perfume and had midterms all week. I just had this slime type fiber juice my mom made me a while ago, because of my severe constipation, blood coming out of poop and I am just still a bit confused if that is period blood or piles. Hope it's not cancer.
( HAHA sorry for oversharing)
Yes I am disgusting. Just cope with it.
Speaking of that. I guess everybody has a coping mechanism when it comes to changes. This semester, I learned to get over him, I learned that whatever I felt for him was mixed with my own fantasies and myths and mushy thoughts influenced by watching too much romantic comedies. Today, my paradigm kind of shifted when I saw him mocking another of my friend, who's boyfriend is his one of the best friends by the way and my gut said, I don't love this man anymore.
It wasn't jealousy. It was a realization. He talks like that. He picks on girls he can tease and say cute and funny things to and give attention and get attention. Last year I was so consumed with this notion that he might 'like' me. And I took things so seriously, like I clung to every word he said to me. I wasn't anyone special that he talked to. He talks like that to every girl that he thinks are best suited for flirtatious comments and to whom he is not romantically inclined to. He is that guy. He won't make any moves but meanwhile enjoy making this sarcastic remarks and the problem with me was that, I took things too seriously. If only I could go back and tell myself, you will get over him, it's possible. I wouldn't overthink all the things he said, or made fun of or gave attention to nor would I flush each time he said I looked beautiful so subtly.
What matters now is, I observed it and I learned I have no feelings for him now. It was a fascination, a desperation to be loved and adored and this semester I don't even crave to be around him. He doesn't make me feel like firework or butterflies by simply grinning at me or singing songs. Not anymore. I changed. I know now, what life is made of. It is made of stress and anxiety and the people that come and go out. Thinking back at it now I feel like I made a complete fool out of myself. But I feel kind of empowering and free. There's room for love and affection but he's just not in it. And I am fine with that. Really. It's a pleasure. Not having to seek validations from guys. And dressing well, dressing pretty just for myself. It's simply empowering. I love it.
( HAHA sorry for oversharing)
Yes I am disgusting. Just cope with it.
Speaking of that. I guess everybody has a coping mechanism when it comes to changes. This semester, I learned to get over him, I learned that whatever I felt for him was mixed with my own fantasies and myths and mushy thoughts influenced by watching too much romantic comedies. Today, my paradigm kind of shifted when I saw him mocking another of my friend, who's boyfriend is his one of the best friends by the way and my gut said, I don't love this man anymore.
It wasn't jealousy. It was a realization. He talks like that. He picks on girls he can tease and say cute and funny things to and give attention and get attention. Last year I was so consumed with this notion that he might 'like' me. And I took things so seriously, like I clung to every word he said to me. I wasn't anyone special that he talked to. He talks like that to every girl that he thinks are best suited for flirtatious comments and to whom he is not romantically inclined to. He is that guy. He won't make any moves but meanwhile enjoy making this sarcastic remarks and the problem with me was that, I took things too seriously. If only I could go back and tell myself, you will get over him, it's possible. I wouldn't overthink all the things he said, or made fun of or gave attention to nor would I flush each time he said I looked beautiful so subtly.
What matters now is, I observed it and I learned I have no feelings for him now. It was a fascination, a desperation to be loved and adored and this semester I don't even crave to be around him. He doesn't make me feel like firework or butterflies by simply grinning at me or singing songs. Not anymore. I changed. I know now, what life is made of. It is made of stress and anxiety and the people that come and go out. Thinking back at it now I feel like I made a complete fool out of myself. But I feel kind of empowering and free. There's room for love and affection but he's just not in it. And I am fine with that. Really. It's a pleasure. Not having to seek validations from guys. And dressing well, dressing pretty just for myself. It's simply empowering. I love it.
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