Skip to main content
So I am in a weird position right now.

It all started with whisper. You know the app where you can chat with strangers. I was bored and I posted "Can't sleep." And this mystery man knocked me saying neither can I. I let out a sigh. And it rhymed. :v
We chatted till dawn and he said a lot about him and I said a few. Because I didn't wanna go into something real...He is a business man, lives in NY but came here for couple of months, he is 42 year old, he's a divorcee, has a 4 year old son and last night he called me and technically he talked on and on and I was listening, I pressed the mute button on my side because my niece and my sister were asleep beside me, I didn't wanna wake them up....I only chatted and he was okay with that.

And there you go. I'm on the way to becoming a slut. Tho I still have a chance to stop before anything happens between us, he just knows my first name and my age and where I study and some unimportant things but I am in a dilemma right now. He sounded like an intelligent man maybe a little pervert to try on me, but I don't know. I liked listening to his rambling. And it's not a good thing. I am half his age and he has a son, he could even have lied to me about being divorced. What if he's just looking to cheat. And I don't wanna be caught up in the middle of something. Also. It is not an option, HE IS 42 and I AM 21!! God, why am I so mental. Why do I feel attracted to men who are older than me?  He said he is 28 year old by heart, age is just numerical but it changes everything if I start talking with him. Also it makes me feel like a slut if I do talk with him every night. I should put an end to this....

I am not sure what I'd do. I don't trust me anymore. I cannot be that desperate to try this. No I don't deserve this. Why am I replaying his voice in my head. I am in a pickle right now. I don't know if I should give him a chance.









Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

 Some thoughts. Our old generation glorified selfless acts to the point that they started calling putting themselves first as: 'selfish.'  To a certain period of time, I have also followed this pattern.  I thought taking care of me is selfish.  Where taking care of me is fundamental.  You cannot pour out of a cup, which is empty.  So pour yourself first.   I have to unlearn so many of these toxic patterns because these have made my life only miserable and problematic. I am learning that evolving is crucial for living with inner peace.  These days, I value so much about inner peace.  I'll choose it over others anytime, and it is not selfish. It is in fact for greater good.
Post a Comment
Read more

An origin story

Dear Blog. Thank you for giving me space to write. Although in this world, where cloud technology prevails, there is no worrying about it. But hey,I, thank you for storing my thoughts. Stupid, meaningless thoughts. I assure you, I will keep coming back. I know since coming home from the residential semester, I've been a bit distracted. I've been posting things, I felt vague about. I used to write things effortlessly. I never forced myself to type up things, experiences or events. All these posts have been posted because they contributed to my daily life and I had to write them up before they slowly fade away from my memory. And some things I didn't make a post about as some things were better to be forgotten and removed from the past. Mind that. Dear Blog, I created you almost four years ago. These four years, I've kept you posted. Maybe some days. I didn't because you know why. Those days I felt blue and couldn't get up from bed. But you learned my stor...
3 comments
Read more

spring is almost here

Hi B,  Season is changing. The hard days are almost over.  The city I live in has turned so beautiful, I get overwhelmed by the beauty.  Tulips are in. Cherry blossoms are blossoming.  Magnolia, Beautiful white flowers, name unknown to me.  Taking a walk out feels like a celebration of life.  It feels like I'm falling in love with the city.  I remember when I first moved here 2 years ago, the excitement and the crippling anxiety of starting a new life from scratch. Now, after 2 years, I feel a warmth and love for the place.  I don't know if I would feel the same when the winter comes though. Seasonal depression is no joke.  My new mantra for life now is to chill.  Praise the nature and find pretty little corners in the city.  Write poems.  Paint, maybe.  Seek positivity.  Love. Be kind to self. No rush. Read books. Just flow.
Post a Comment
Read more