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I feel better now. I feel like shit during weekends. When classes start, I get busy and channel my depression into something so I don't feel like harming myself.

It gets really bad when I feel down these days. I don't know. Before it was easy. I used to get busy with books or just watch youtube videos, listen to songs or watch a movie or something. These days, when I feel down, I sleep for abnormal hours and when I wake up I feel like shit. I feel like cutting some skin. Never done self harm. But these days I crave it. Maybe it's just that...I am not happy with myself at all. I am not happy with slow progress, small successes. I want to do better. I want everyone to recognize me, to truly know me.

And I know, I don't work as much to want that in life. I have still got a lot of room for improvement.
It is about priorities. I sometimes ignore the fact that- studying should be my number one priority right now. I ditch classes sometimes, just because Turtle dove did so . and this is not doing fair to me.

Anyway. I have to study for mid now. I kind of sucked in Math mid. Don't know why I'm even here. Maybe because I needed some mental statement- some sanity. Before it is too late I have to sort myself out. And today, I kind of survived without missing him. It's a good symptom right? It will get easier maybe. I just have to hold on a bit more. Keep my priorities straight.

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