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So I am confused. Do I actually care about people, or it's just that- I don't but it makes me feel bad and does it mean I do?

Oh no. I am such an ass sometimes. A real ass. I just don't seem to make other people feel special about themselves like they make me feel. I am not loyal. I am not vocal, and I am not very- good with words and cheesiness and sweetness. I thought I was. But no. No matter how much I want to fake it. I can't.

And to be honest? I envy people who have this quality in them. Being likable around everybody. Even around those who doesn't like to talk. Even around those who are mean. I envy those people who can blend in so easily without facing any problems, any ego issues. And everything has to be a competition with me, I just I feel like, I have to compete, with those people by being more likable. Do I sound like a freak? Cause I am. Whenever someone is pampered, successful, adored, I get freaking jealous. And it's officially a thing now. It's happening more and more since I'm in the uni. More than ever.

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