I figured out why my grandmother(father's side) hated me when I was a kid. Yes her spirit told me.
...Kidding. I shouldn't tho...Anyway. I assumed, since, I wasn't much charismatic as a child, I was rather annoying and kind of mute to the elders. I remember I was very shy around my grandparents. I didn't talk to them much. Now that I look at Anisha, she's so much smarter than her age, I sometimes wonder how I used to be when I was her age. And trust me, I wasn't as cheerful and energetic like her. Yes I was sporty, way much than I am now, but I never found myself you know, I remember being sad. Being scold by grandma. Being beaten by daddy sometimes if I didn't study for my tests, being called skinny; yeah I was very...skinny girl. By affection I only remember my parents especially my father, my mother loved me too. They weren't very strict parents. I rather say they spoiled me. I needed more discipline that time. My grandmother, she sort of created negative energy around me which I could feel in my throat, I remember one time I was chocking in tears, she didn't like when I cried, She said it is weakness. A child must not cry. Apparently her theory was that.
I really wish now, if I could change my childhood, my ways around it. I wish I did something, extra curricular, or could have taken something as a hobby, like gardening or anything productive. It could have helped a lot if I was social. Even my first friend was this creepy little girl in class one, who constantly told me about how her step mother used to torture her, thus making my childhood more depressing. I don't know why I was the way I was. I wish I could go back and tell my tiny self that-
You have the right to be happy, To be loved by your grandma. And you can do anything. You can become anything. Just hang on there. Life will get only better. Not bitter. Don't soak your pillow with tears every night thinking about depressing things. Trust me girl, you have nothing on your plate now, you have nothing to worry about. You're lovable. Everybody loves you. You're not left out. And don't let those insecurities grow bigger than your dreams. Don't let that old lady tell you otherwise. You are infinity within. You are possibility. You are awesome. Don't back off. Have courage. Please don't be scared to be free. You are free to run. chase butterflies, jump and mess around the house. You are worth to have much fun. You are worth it.
...Kidding. I shouldn't tho...Anyway. I assumed, since, I wasn't much charismatic as a child, I was rather annoying and kind of mute to the elders. I remember I was very shy around my grandparents. I didn't talk to them much. Now that I look at Anisha, she's so much smarter than her age, I sometimes wonder how I used to be when I was her age. And trust me, I wasn't as cheerful and energetic like her. Yes I was sporty, way much than I am now, but I never found myself you know, I remember being sad. Being scold by grandma. Being beaten by daddy sometimes if I didn't study for my tests, being called skinny; yeah I was very...skinny girl. By affection I only remember my parents especially my father, my mother loved me too. They weren't very strict parents. I rather say they spoiled me. I needed more discipline that time. My grandmother, she sort of created negative energy around me which I could feel in my throat, I remember one time I was chocking in tears, she didn't like when I cried, She said it is weakness. A child must not cry. Apparently her theory was that.
I really wish now, if I could change my childhood, my ways around it. I wish I did something, extra curricular, or could have taken something as a hobby, like gardening or anything productive. It could have helped a lot if I was social. Even my first friend was this creepy little girl in class one, who constantly told me about how her step mother used to torture her, thus making my childhood more depressing. I don't know why I was the way I was. I wish I could go back and tell my tiny self that-
You have the right to be happy, To be loved by your grandma. And you can do anything. You can become anything. Just hang on there. Life will get only better. Not bitter. Don't soak your pillow with tears every night thinking about depressing things. Trust me girl, you have nothing on your plate now, you have nothing to worry about. You're lovable. Everybody loves you. You're not left out. And don't let those insecurities grow bigger than your dreams. Don't let that old lady tell you otherwise. You are infinity within. You are possibility. You are awesome. Don't back off. Have courage. Please don't be scared to be free. You are free to run. chase butterflies, jump and mess around the house. You are worth to have much fun. You are worth it.
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