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So my grandma left last week for her flight to Seattle, she is going to stay at her son's place couple of months. Sometimes, I feel like. NO she is not left behind. Everybody in her family cares for her. NO she has place to stay, she has plenty of places to stay. Dhaka, New jersey, Canada, Seattle, Dallas, London. Her children are taking care of her. There's no point in feeling sorry for this old lady, rather I feel annoyed sometimes. When she says she likes it here. Out of all the cool places she's been. She likes Dhaka. She likes our chaotic, Dhaka. She likes to stay at our place, which I think is too small for her because she has to share a room with her grand-daughter.

I don't know it's just last week and it is giving me a feeling like she's never been here. Like it's so normal for her to leave. I don't feel a thing. I don't have any feelings. I think she knows that. Because when my siblings were hugging her goodbye, she gave kisses to each cheeks and when it came to me, I didn't get any kiss. Just an awkward hug. Maybe, she also doesn't have any feelings for me. It is so weird. Even when I force myself to feel something, I get nothing.

It's okay. Really. I've always been like that. My two grandmas never felt for me, neither did I. They both shared and shares bond with my siblings but with me, it's mostly profession. I wish we had something real.

I am an emotional person. At least I believe so. Also very consumed. When I love someone, I oh-so dearly do. When I don't...I vaguely don't.








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