I am not sure how my HSC exams will go. I mean, clearly, without a preparation I can't tell how badly I am gonna suck. My family and outside my family, teachers, family but not so in touch people are looking forward to my results, you know it's a huge deal. If I mess up this, I am not gonna just mess up my life, I'm gonna mess up their expectations. No matter how bad I suck being a student I have to bring out the best I could possibly be. They won't see the efforts I put in, they'd wanna see just the results. So it doesn't really matter how badly I suck now, or if I get triple zeros on pretests. Or if I have not yet conquered my syllabus. So yeah, I'm..I'm not freaking out. I haven't studied anything, but I will not Freak out. I will not freak out. I will not...oh my god I'm freaking out. I don't even practiced those maths, I suck at finance, Accounting and all my subjects, I don't have anything ready . I am not ready to attend the boards . I have only 15 days. Oh god.Oh god. Oh god.
Hi B, Season is changing. The hard days are almost over. The city I live in has turned so beautiful, I get overwhelmed by the beauty. Tulips are in. Cherry blossoms are blossoming. Magnolia, Beautiful white flowers, name unknown to me. Taking a walk out feels like a celebration of life. It feels like I'm falling in love with the city. I remember when I first moved here 2 years ago, the excitement and the crippling anxiety of starting a new life from scratch. Now, after 2 years, I feel a warmth and love for the place. I don't know if I would feel the same when the winter comes though. Seasonal depression is no joke. My new mantra for life now is to chill. Praise the nature and find pretty little corners in the city. Write poems. Paint, maybe. Seek positivity. Love. Be kind to self. No rush. Read books. Just flow.
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