I did my prayer (namaz)
today. I felt like I was trying to connect someone on the other side who might
or might not exist. I mean in my heart at some point, I feel obligated to
believe that he exists but … I just can’t face him, for I’ve done such wrong
things, I’m a sinner. Every day. I’m a sinner. I feel like even how much I pray
and bow my head to him, He’s gonna look at me as someone to be punished. Maybe
it’s not lack of believing, it’s just fear that keeps me away from Him.
Dear B, I don't watch the news but there has been a lot of speculations on social media of a possible world war III. My sister just texted me that I should save up money as we don't know what that might do to the economy. It is ironic because I just ordered something online last night. Every time I go out, I spend. I don't even have a good paying job and I spend like I have full time. However, one thing I learned from my past is that there is no point in stressing about the future. What I have control over is now. I can either live in the moment or ruin it by ruminating and what good will it bring to my life? Living alone can get boring. However, I am trying to find things to do. Maybe I will visit a bookstore today. Lets see. I have rearranged the furnitures yesterday. Cleaned as well. The place looks good. Maybe I will go IKEA. I love it there. Even though I can't afford furnitures, I just enjoy looking at them. Oh what to tell you B. My in-laws are coming this...
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