Skip to main content

him

I'm afraid this post is gonna be entirely about him. And I know it since last night. When I couldn't sleep thinking, that was the last class he took of us. And even I talk frequently enough of him in this blog, I don't think it's ever enough...to sum him up. Nothing I write will ever be enough.

He will always be my favorite teacher. I know at times, I didn't pay attention to his class but it doesn't change the fact how amazing he is. You must be wondering why I'm using pronouns, why haven't I mentioned his name ever when I am crushing in all sort of way on him. I don't say his name because that's how respective I am of him. You see, I never picture him as my boyfriend or a life-partner, I just picture him as he is. He is someone whom I developed a sophisticated fondness in. And I will never get over it.

It's like he's on a stage or something, doing a play. And I'm watching him. Falling in love with every line, every detail. Like an audience, I don't give away much. He's in the spotlight. And there's only adjectives of him. He doesn't know how awesome he is. He doesn't know how kind, sophisticated, intelligent, honest, truthful and humorous he is. That's what makes him so special. He knows how to make women laugh, without being rude, Without hurting feelings. And that's what I search in all men. He makes me smile, a smile that I can't wipe off the day and when I am thinking about him. He's an Aries. Like me.

Yesterday, at the last class, a girl in our group cried on his shoulder. When I saw it, I kind of judged myself. If I wanted that. If I actually wanted to soak that side of his shirt with tears. No! Hell no. Even my inner slut doesn't permit that. I like him but there's got to be boundaries. You can't just cry on his shoulder like that. I get that she was emotional and couldn't control but this is beyond inappropriate. To hug him like that and sob in his shirt. That was the moment I realized. I actually didn't love him the way I thought I had loved him.

And it's time to move on. He's done what he's supposed to. Be a good teacher. He's been excellent at it. I actually feel jealous of those freshmen. They're gonna have him for another year. I remember this quote Ankan wrote in my diary- "You don't need a lifetime to love somebody. Love is a moment that lasts forever."  Exactly. A moment unforgettable. So it doesn't matter if I'm not seeing him anymore after hsc.

I never imagined I would come across people like this. It was a privilege being his student. And I am glad I'm leaving as one.










Comments

Popular posts from this blog

opposite sides of a coin

Hi B,  I've been sort of busy with the training for the job and have another interview coming tomorrow. I am torn between staying with the current job and switching or keeping both as part times. I don't know, I guess I will have a decision made if the interview goes well. I have been traveling far for the current one and every time I get on the bus or the the train I feel depression kicking in full force. Suddenly I remember home, the comfort of being around my loved ones, the easy life I once had back in Bangladesh. Certainly, there are things that weren't easy but I guess it felt easy because I was more used to it. Transport was rickshaw and didn't even think twice before booking an uber because I always had some money with me. Now I have literally 200 dollars to go by and I have to think twice to even buy a cup of coffee or a piece of bread. I guess with time, I will be able to save up some money. I am glad at least I got to start working. It is still very overwhelm...

spring is almost here

Hi B,  Season is changing. The hard days are almost over.  The city I live in has turned so beautiful, I get overwhelmed by the beauty.  Tulips are in. Cherry blossoms are blossoming.  Magnolia, Beautiful white flowers, name unknown to me.  Taking a walk out feels like a celebration of life.  It feels like I'm falling in love with the city.  I remember when I first moved here 2 years ago, the excitement and the crippling anxiety of starting a new life from scratch. Now, after 2 years, I feel a warmth and love for the place.  I don't know if I would feel the same when the winter comes though. Seasonal depression is no joke.  My new mantra for life now is to chill.  Praise the nature and find pretty little corners in the city.  Write poems.  Paint, maybe.  Seek positivity.  Love. Be kind to self. No rush. Read books. Just flow.

healing in progress

 Dear B,  What I learned from the past week is that I tend to take on grief from others in my family like my own. Even though there is nothing I can do about it to ease other's pain. Hence, I suffer internally.  There is a song that I deeply connect with:  Tu Jhoom | Naseebo Lal x Abida Parveen. It kind of goes like this: “What is meant to be yours will find you through any excuse. My heart, understand that there is nothing in your control. You just swirl (let it go)” My brother recently got rejected from a marriage proposal from a girl he really liked. It was arranged but this was his first experience talking with a girl. Seeing him being torn left me in tears as I know how much he was hurting. He is such a gentle soul. I took his pain as if my own and could not sleep at night. Nothing I say could ease his suffering but I still tried to cheer him up. I prayed genuinely for him to be showered with blessings. I want him to experience life, be with someone who would ca...