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confession# 76

I screwed up. I don't know what's waiting for me out there but I surely did screw up my future.Today's Accounting exam was crap and I have ICT and Management to worry about too. So that makes it what, three? F marks on three tests? How are they gonna let me register for HSC? I have made such a mess.And I have almost given up.
All I want is another chance. But I think I am out of second chances too.There is no way I could pass through this. The thing is, I go completely insane when I'm on pressure. Syllabus,. tests, admissions these go completely out of my favor. I screw up  when I am pressurized. And I am not a hard-worker. Even when I have hard plans, I fail to accomplish them through my work. That's how I am.I always struggle in the last minute. And this is Bangladesh. If I fail, my whole life would sink into a never-ending despair.I can't drop college just like that.And here,I can't do justice to any kind of  passions I have it in  me.I can't just drop college and go join some art school or go to dance classes,or start some catering business.Even the thought of pursuing passion seems too pricey.
So let's just say, I ruined the life I could have. If I actually fail, they'd want me to repeat another year. Repeating another year means, no seat in the public university. That means no degrees, no jobs. That means no income. Means no traveling around the world. Means no dreams come true. Who knew this 2014 would be such destructive year for me?
I was almost giving up.But letting my father down is the last thing on my mind. If Allah gives me another chance, I'd do the best as I can.I know I am worthy to attend HSC. He knows it too.So,I put my future in His hands.

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