Everly

Confession#48 Today at private I put down my hair. And he noticed. He called me Maggie noodles. Because my hair’s too curly. But he noticed! Confession#49 So my exams are over by yesterday. Fariha came and we kind of practiced dancing for Api’s holud. It was really fun. I had so much planned for after exam weekend. Now look at me, I’m unproductive. When the exams were on I told myself that I would start reading The Kite Runner in the weekend. That I would check out every possible dancing moves for api’s holud on youtube and start dancing. Well I already danced last night but I don’t think it was enough. Learning just few steps won’t do. I was supposed to watch movies now, but this “guest” in my room is napping all the time. She’s a total control freak.

Confession #47 I woke up to a dream last night, at the dawn, a really weird dream. I saw Animesh sir (the khaet one I have zero interest in) tickling my tummy! EWW. Okay the dream ends here. When I woke up, I was like WHAT THE FUCK just happened?! And felt so relieved that it was just a dream. Then I went to college to give exam and guess who’s on guard? The person that tickled me in my dream last night! UGH. Was that telepathy? But he’s never in my mind before. I clearly hate him. Then after the exam I went to the private with Ankan and Adi. He was there, unfortunately. I was preoccupied by math’s so when Ankan gave me the files to sign I kind of got “UFF!” and thrown it away. And sir saw me going all hyper so he came to me and tapped me on the head and said, “Baby, cool!” This was even worse than the dream I had. >.< I don’t like anyone patting me on the head unless It’s kamruzzaman sir. Okay you’d probably be thinking: Who the heck is Kamruz… ? He’s the “Stat” sir...

Confession #45 Childhood crush. Just 4 or 5 years back I had my career planned. I wanted to become a RJ. *giggles* And also I was crushing on this guy called Anik Khan, he’s mainly a poet. But he used to come to this radio show Foor-Foor-Foorti and I was a diehard fan of his voice and attitude. After like years I got to see his picture on facebook, and couldn’t match his voice to his face. I was like, really?! He has a wife now and follows me on instagram. Confession #46 I am really trying to adjust with nanu, but it’s not working for me. She’s planning to live here for one and a half year. If she does that I am gonna suffocate. She’s been here only couple of weeks and I am already out of my breath. I want my room to be my room. It’s messy, let it be lady! Why is she always with complaining and complimenting and suggesting and advising things? I can’t tolerate this anymore. Really. She was talking on phone a while ago with my khalamoni from abroad. She was like- Th...

I’ve been through crazy days! Tell me how many days I’ve been away? 2 weeks or 3 maybe? And I have so much to say, I’ve been craving for confessions, suffocating and praying for this chance to sit behind my pc and type all out.   So my sis got married on 19 th September, I had ict exam the day after. Long story short. I’ve been through hell and back. I slept like 2 hours the day before exam and I had only 3 or 4 hours in the morning for exam preparation. So I am just hoping that I wouldn’t fail this time. My exam was not that bad either. I think I am gonna pass to a marginal line. J First thing first. The wedding (AQTH) I had parlor make up on and looked so weird. I don’t look so bad in the pictures though. And my sis, she looked one hell of a bride. Very much bridish. She had this pinned up hairstyle, wore magenta saree. The color suited her good. She looked really bright and pretty. And about the groom. He looked really young and cute. Both looked cute actually. They ...

My life is at stake now. Nothing can describe my situation well enough. The preparation for my sister's wedding is an on going process also an utter distraction to my studies. As you know, I'm giving my pretest exams, deprived of sleep at night because of the new adjustment made. My nanu is staying with us for like-I don't know, months maybe. And I haven't coped up with that. My sister and I in one room is enough disturbance. Plus, I don't really bond with old people. The problem with my nanu is. she can't tolerate heat, so she turns on the ac at night sets it in like 17 temp, also the two fans on full speed., Can I sleep like that? It's just been one night and I am coughing already. Tomorrow, 19th sept is Api's Akhd. And I am gonna give english exam without any preparation. And then after the big day I have ict which I had a f mark on promotion test so I cannot take chances on failing again. But as my preparation's going, I might fail. Utterly f...

Confession #41 It’s two days till my pretest exams. And then there’s my sister’s Akht in the midst of it. And as it gets better, my nanu is coming from America to stay with us. Everything is out of my favor. I suck at being a student, let alone be a good one. And those large syllabus won’t just complete in a day. Luck favors the prepared. I am no near my preparation for the tests. My sis is getting married! Also, I need a room. I need to be stable. I can’t sit and study just like that. I need some privileges, yeah special care. A room! And Nanu would be here soon ruining what’s left of it. Excuse me for being rude, but I just don’t like people staying at our place, I don’t feel at home then. And I get very much distracted. I know she’s family, but still. She’s not the kind of the company I enjoy. I don’t get along with old people. It’s written in my blood. I can’t help it. So I’d be away for a while. Confessions #42   You won’t believe what happened yesterday. My...

When our eyes meet, I fall right back in love.  :) 

My sister is watching kissing videos on youtube. Oh no, I think I spoiled her. I told her that when I was in class eight, I kind of watched how to kiss a guy- videos. And now she’s got the idea. Hope it helps for her. But hey, isn’t this haram to watch this kind of stuffs? Well, for me, I did double haram. I inspired my sis to this sin. Now I tauba. Astagfiru’llah!

My dad told me, those who have blood group AB’s are likely to forget things or people after the age forty-five. I am AB positive. *gasp* He said the prevention of it is regular exercise. I hate exercises! Sleeping is my thing. So to me, prevention for it would be this. This journal or whatever you call it. These confessions I give. I might keep it for 45 years and be reading all these. I’d get to know the girl I used to be. Omg it turned out to match my novel which I’ve been working on for the past few weeks. I just got to know this blood group thing from dad this morning, so it’s a new information. And kind of matches my freaking story- The Déjà Vu. Just one thing’s left to match. Falling in love with a guy next door in Seattle. I had already put that in my story. So. It better come true.

Confession#36 I had a chat with Ann last night. She said Americans are all fucked up people. She hates it there. She got into this school a week ago, but she’s already started absenting classes because of some issues she's been having. She doesn’t feel free to talk with new people and making friendships. I don’t know how would she manage without communication. It’s not language problem. She knows plenty English. She just, I guess fears people, and new atmosphere, crowd. At first I thought it’s all normal for anyone having hard time   coping up with a new place. But now seeing her like this, I doubt it.She’s skipping school in a row, I don’t think that’d be good for her. She’s just got in here. On the first day of her new school she crushed on a 12 th grader in the football team, she said he was cute. I think that’s good for her. Cause she feels suffocated around people, hates babies and teenagers. I thought she’d never be fine. I told her “You’d be fine, Just give i...

Confession#34 He’s being indifferent to me these days. I am too. I don’t do all HEY Y U NO LOOK AT ME stuffs. He doesn’t talk to me now. Honestly, I don’t even remember anymore when was the last time he’d actually spoken to me. I was fine, trust me. I was profoundly fine just seeing him all happy and healthy at college. But the thought that disturbed my peace was- he’s gonna forget me in a year when I’ll be out to some Uni. He’s gonna forget my face. Also my name. Whereas me,   I’ll always remember him; his perfectly jawed face, his eyes, hands, his humors, those funny moments I’d spent with him. Because I love him. But he’ll surely forget me when I’d be his ex-student. I wouldn’t exist to him then. It hurts me like crazy just even thinking that. I’m not fine. Trust me I’m far away from fine, I’m at my worst nightmare.   P.S : I’ve got some photos of him in the college Mag. So in case I forget how he looks like I’d just look at those photos. He cannot be replace...

Confession #31 I’ve been working on this story “The Déjà Vu” all this time so I couldn’t make time for my confessions. Today would be my confession day because I have so many. But first. About the story. I’m writing this story of a girl waking up from coma. She’s lost her memories and cannot recognize any of the people she was once familiar with. She forgets her own name. Typical? Okay, the thing about this story is that the girl gets to choose whether be the new girl she’s waken up to or be the girl from the past. And that’s when the dilemma strikes in and she has a hard time sorting herself out. Then she finds a journal she used to keep and there; all described the past life. She gets to know the girl she’d been. It brings out mysteries in her new life in Seattle. I obviously characterized a hero in the story. And that’d be Dean Winchester. When you can’t   afford having your dream guy in reality, put him in your novel. You and him be the stars and make them fall i...

Abbu told me that I am hopeless. He told me, he had given up his hopes and dreams on me. I don’t study at all. I know. But seeing my father giving up like that is definitely a wakeup call for me. I’m not used to him giving up. He’s the most optimistic person I’ve known. I can’t let him feel like that. Please Abbu,You should be hopeful of me, that’s what makes you, more you. You’re the only person that I’d always look forward to. If you go like this, I am afraid I’m gonna lose everything and shatter. I am not gonna make it without your appreciation and blessing. So please you stick up to your expectations. Make me chase my dream. I gotta pull myself together. Don’t you give up on me, DAD!

Confession #28 I kind of broke my promises that I made last night. I couldn’t keep my eyes off him today at college. What, can you blame me? He wore this beautiful deep blue shirt, oh that color perfectly suited him. The collar was white and the button lines was cherry red. He was looking absolutely stunning. And not just me, the other girls liked his shirt too. Okay, let me make this steer clear. What I promised was I won’t expect him to love me back. And today, I didn’t. I didn’t get mad at him for not noticing me. I was just enjoying his existence in the class. That’s all. So at some point I didn’t actually break any promise. I lied though. It wasn’t my last confession about him. I don’t know if I’ll ever gonna be able to forget him. Confession #29 So this is about another sir. Don’t worry I’m not crushing on him. I don’t even like him. He’s KHAET. His name is Animesh something. Let me tell you how he scandalized himself. So it was during his lecture one da...

Confession #26 You probably don’t know about my accidentally spilled out dialogues, do you? Well you should have. They got pretty much famous by this time. Okay I know you’re getting confused about what I’m saying now but you’ll soon figure out… When I was in class nine, I had this stupid talk with Armita (Don’t ask about her, she’s a complete weirdo) I was being retarded through the whole conversation. You know how I am, right? I was just messing with her, making fun of her. So she kind of got annoyed and said, “You’re totally spoiled, Ramisa!” And you know what I responded to her? Let me tell you the exact thing I had said to her- “AMI TO JONMO THEKEI NOSHTO!” And she told the whole class about this. Trust me, I was as surprised as everyone there when it came out of my mouth. And this dialogue has famed me since, it had been echoed numerous times as to mock me. I am still ashamed of what I just said that day. It has a dual meaning if you know what I am referring to...