Everly

Everything gets easier with time. At least, you get a bit used to with everything with time. That is what I realized.  It has been 2 months, I have stepped foot in this foreign land. In the beginning, I had found myself getting on wrong bus, feeling incapable, not knowing out self checkouts work, feeling misfit among every one, and failing at cooking, having occasional meltdowns and missing home...Now, I feel like everything is sort of settling down. I cook well now. At least, my foods get eaten. I am comfortable with using public transports too. My new favourite hobby is paddling. I don't feel so incapable of living here anymore. I do miss home but I know change is good for growth. I also now enjoy the cashless system here.  I guess, you gotta give yourself some time. Some kindness too. It is okay. You're learning. 

 Dear B, I have moved to Canada. It has almost been a month.  I get homesick sometimes.  It is still hard to believe this is my new home now. I feel like everyone here is very fast paced. This is how it is now.  I am currently looking for jobs.  I hope I find one, which would help me to get accustomed to this new place.   

My anxiety has taken havoc on my sleep and  we both know what that does to my mood  and everything basically. I feel like I am  taken back to pandemic days where  I literally had no motivation to do  anything whatsoever. I felt terrible  on those days honestly.  However, I am trying to take  control back of my life.  Today, I will try to fix my sleep,  do bit of yoga, and go out for shopping.  You know how much I love shopping.  This time, it would  be more so out of   necessity cause I got to buy a few things  before I move.  Something weird happened  recently.  I was going through a lane, I was on a  rickshaw, suddenly I felt somebody just  beat me on my leg, almost felt like it.  It was  a sudden snap and  I was shocked.  I couldn't make out who did it because  my ride was ongoing and also I was zoned out  in my own thoughts. However, when I felt it, ...

So resigned my job. I needed one month to at least organize everything.  I feel so lazy though. I haven't even started packing my suitcase.  It kind of feels surreal. This uncertainty of what my life would be like  in a new place is sort of eating me. I have been so anxious lately.  I know it is normal. Mostly, financially I have been worrying a lot.  My husband has a job but since I was also working here, I didn't need allowance from him. He did send me from time to time but I sort of felt  uncomfortable asking from him. He also doesn't want me to be dependent  on him. It sort of caused this friction in us couple of times where I would  expect he would be a provider. I can't blame him for it because since day 1 he has been clear on the fact that I have to be working, share expense, and we  would have a joint account where we would save up for the future.  I have some fears about not finding work abroad. There is cultural differences...

 I am moving to new country soon.  I have a lot of mixed feelings going on right now about leaving my parents, my brother, my friends, everyone back here. I don't know if I will make enough for airfares but I do want to come back and be in touch with them. I am bit nervous and also excited starting this new chapter of my life... I realized I have gotten almost everything once I dreamed of. I did fall in love, I did marry the love of my life, and now I am leaving this country soon to be with him and grow old with him.  My life has been traumatically beautiful. I say traumatically because once upon a time, I believed that I would never be happy or that I am unlovable, or that I won't have friends... I have a life now surrounded by people I care about and I am loved and cherished.  My only worry right now is my brother.  He has been in and out of jobs and struggling with adulthood. I just hope he finds clarity and peace and be self sufficient.  In this world i...

 Some thoughts. Our old generation glorified selfless acts to the point that they started calling putting themselves first as: 'selfish.'  To a certain period of time, I have also followed this pattern.  I thought taking care of me is selfish.  Where taking care of me is fundamental.  You cannot pour out of a cup, which is empty.  So pour yourself first.   I have to unlearn so many of these toxic patterns because these have made my life only miserable and problematic. I am learning that evolving is crucial for living with inner peace.  These days, I value so much about inner peace.  I'll choose it over others anytime, and it is not selfish. It is in fact for greater good.

 Currently, planning to organize my closet. You just have to make room for change. Give out old clothes. Make room for new ones.