Everly

 Some thoughts. Our old generation glorified selfless acts to the point that they started calling putting themselves first as: 'selfish.'  To a certain period of time, I have also followed this pattern.  I thought taking care of me is selfish.  Where taking care of me is fundamental.  You cannot pour out of a cup, which is empty.  So pour yourself first.   I have to unlearn so many of these toxic patterns because these have made my life only miserable and problematic. I am learning that evolving is crucial for living with inner peace.  These days, I value so much about inner peace.  I'll choose it over others anytime, and it is not selfish. It is in fact for greater good.

 Currently, planning to organize my closet. You just have to make room for change. Give out old clothes. Make room for new ones. 

 Hey B,  Sorry I have been so MIA. I will update you on everything that has happened, so hang tight! I got married to the love of my life in May. We had our honeymoon in Thailand. Yes, my first international flight. I had so much fun and for the first time in my life I felt genuinely happy and at peace. Then he went back and we are waiting to start our life together in abroad. It is a shit ton of paper work but hope will be done within this year.  Other than this major life event, everything is same as it was. I did start a course on driving tho. I wouldn't say I am ready to hit the road on my own but I learned at least something.  I bought my first ever Apple watch and I am wearing it right now. This is probably my most expensive purchase.  I would say I am not perfect at growing but I am getting there.  Will write you back soon.  x Love  x R

I find myself being scared when good times come. The fear is something bad is going to happen when I am happy. It is a trauma response as I have spent too much time thinking I am undeserving of all the finest things life has to offer. Instead of being truly happy and excited when good things are coming my way, I start to mute it down with the fear of jinxing it. What I have to make myself believe is that; what yours will find its way to you by hook or by crook. It’s your choice to either welcome it with an open heart or be in constant vigilance.

I’m at work right now. Don’t have any tasks at hand. My mind has been wondering elsewhere for that very reason. Laziness is not my friend as I am an over thinker.  Yesterday saw a reel on instagram where this famous philosopher said, we often times find ourself feeling negative emotions due to self centered attitude and also we take situations as it appear to us. Nothing is as it appears. It made sense to me as I seem to have this tendency to take things negatively at first. Nothing comes to me in simple manner.  I am getting married in almost 2 months and not a day goes by without me hyperventilating. I understand that love is something we have to work for; it is not always going to free flow. Happy ending is not marriage. Infact, actual hardship comes after marriage. I believe in us, I truly do. However, somedays I find myself wondering if love is enough. I get critical on days he doesn’t text much or call. Our long distance actually survives on these texts/calls so it bothe...

I am kind of having a hard time to collect my thoughts. I feel like I am in midst of a chaotic life situation. I think I get easily influenced by people and it is not a good trait. It especially does not help when you are taking an important life decision. The horror of making a mistake stops me from having experiences; having fun. You know what scares me the most? My family saying 'I told you so.' I simply don't want them to be right. Na-uh. Can't let that happen.  I want to be the architect of my future. Here comes all these judgments and advises from family, which I highly don't appreciate. I wish they knew the context of my life. They barely know what is going on. What I like and what I don't. The fact that they still feel entitled to choose what's best for me is hysterical.  In this world, the people I now hold close to me are people who are going through similar phase in life. I have infact turned deaf to people I don't show my true self to. There ...

 Dear B, I am giving love a second chance and this time we are planning a future together.  I know I was adamant about not getting back together but something in my heart said, we are not finished  yet. I could not stop thinking about the 'what if' part.  I know probably because of the societal pressure I may have been thinking about marriage a lot these days. It is  also the fear of being alone. This world is scary already. I want somebody to rely on. We have that confidence in each other. I am not sure if I can get that comfort in other men. He has been very warm to me since the day we met except our breakup episode.  Right now, I have a lot of things to think about.  A. Are we financially capable to pull off a marriage? - Still questionable.  B. Will our families accept us? - I am more worried about my family.  C. Are we ready to face the future struggles and help each other in need? - Will have to see.  D. Will we be able to blend in...