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I am kind of having a hard time to collect my thoughts. I feel like I am in midst of a chaotic life situation. I think I get easily influenced by people and it is not a good trait. It especially does not help when you are taking an important life decision. The horror of making a mistake stops me from having experiences; having fun. You know what scares me the most? My family saying 'I told you so.' I simply don't want them to be right. Na-uh. Can't let that happen. 

I want to be the architect of my future. Here comes all these judgments and advises from family, which I highly don't appreciate. I wish they knew the context of my life. They barely know what is going on. What I like and what I don't. The fact that they still feel entitled to choose what's best for me is hysterical. 

In this world, the people I now hold close to me are people who are going through similar phase in life. I have infact turned deaf to people I don't show my true self to. There is no point in trying to abide by rules of others because it is absolutely impossible to make everyone happy. I am maybe stupid. I am maybe emotional. I am maybe making mistakes but those will be my mistakes. My personal issues and my own set of struggles that I have to overcome myself. I don't want other people to be in remorse for that. Gosh, this sounds more and more idiotic as I think through it. Why do people give so much fuck about the societal rules! Why is there a timeline for everything? Why can't we just live a little instead of being in constant stress to settle in life? 

I just decided that I am going to be a rebel. I have most of my life accepted bullshit from people. Not anymore. I need to evolve to my full self. In order to do that, I kind of have to listen to myself. I hope I stay true to my words. 

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