Everly

I take myself so granted that, if something good finally comes my way, I feel like I am gonna die.I think to myself, God planned good things for me because he is going to take me back. It is so weird because, I can't simply accept the fact that, I deserve good things in life. My whole life is not going to be a bumpy ride. Before the trip, I legitimately thought I would have an accident. I was so serious that I would die, things cannot be this perfect. But to my surprise, things are perfect. And I am still unbroken. I am still in one piece, and I feel this incredible gratitude inside my heart, I feel like I had been showered with blessings. And I had been wanting so bad, for these moments. And someone up there listened, or something happened, like a miracle and turned everything into a beautiful synergy.  I have a feeling 2020 is going to be a good year, if I believe in myself enough. 

I'm happy.

2019 was overall a good year for me, I think I grew as a person. I will be graduating this year, in June. Hopefully. It will be new chapter of my life. I have so much left to become yet. I am excited. And happy. I shopped with my own money, couple of weeks ago. I got my very first pay. It felt...AMAZING. I felt independent, and for the first time in my life, I felt like, I am not a burden. I will be tripping with my friends this month on 9th. I am so excited, I can't sleep. :) Hope this year brings health, happiness, substantial things. And of course I hope I live to see more. Dear Blog, As a tradition to write something on new year's morning, I am back. I miss writing. Happy New Year!

Hi B. I got hired as an english tutor in an online global company. I took 2 classes today and taught english and the pay is not much but it sure did give me some purpose in life. My niece is having trouble in speaking. She's three and her therapist had concerns. My entire world came crashing down since I heard. And I kept crying to my creator. I kept complaining, I still do. Since she was born, all I could think about was when she would talk with me. Call me by Khalamoni. You know how much my heart craves for that sound? You know how much I want to hug her, hold her little hands again? I can't go to Canada because I don't have money. When I will earn that much, the first thing I am gonna do is visit her. I can't take it anymore. I miss her so much. I miss my sister too. The future will always be uncertain. Unpredictable. Maybe little predictable, but still. This world is a cruel place for kids, for teenagers for growing adults. It is a shitty place. It makes y...

just four nights staying out of home i realized, there is nothing more calmer than just leaving. leaving is my tendency, it doesn't have to be physical. whenever i have an issue with someone i just want to leave from there. not face it. i ran away from a would be relationship. i ran away from interviews i applied for. i ran away from my past being a problematic kid. i ran away from a friend who genuinely cares for me. i hurt her and i wanted my release from the prison she created for me inside her mind. i don't want to suffocate in somebody else's interpreted world. i want to be in my own world. making decisions my own way. I don't want to deal with this. Anymore. when i say i am an introvert, socially awkward, people say be more outspoken. it is like telling an extrovert to be more quiet. i hate the fact that, i am in middle of all this people and despite that i feel like i am alone. and everybody thinks it's okay to put aside my conceptions and put th...

I feel so alone I feel the gloom hitting me hard I fell back again by the way He is a stupid fuck creating stupid illusions inside my head there's nothing sadder than this I was finally happy I can't go back to that pathetic self Save me. 

I almost had an accident today while crossing the road. I was alone. I didn't have anyone to help me. I just followed two strangers who happened to be reckless with their lives. And. Yeah. A motorbike just put break inches away from me. I almost cried at the flashlight. Bottom line is. I can't be on my own. I came home my heart still beating. I feel like everybody has someone in their life to be with when their parents aren't there. When my parents aren't with me, I am all alone.  I walked by the lane toward my apartment, feeling so alone. An outsider. An odd between the evens. It makes my eyes all watery when I watch people being themselves and still fitting in. I can't fit in. I am not blaming anybody for that. It is not my friend's duty to look after me, always make sure I am safe. This is something that I should be able to do myself. I am 23. I am not a baby. But most times I feel like I can't do anything right. I had pizza slices today I didn...