spring is almost here

just four nights staying out of home i realized, there is nothing more calmer than just leaving. leaving is my tendency, it doesn't have to be physical. whenever i have an issue with someone i just want to leave from there. not face it. i ran away from a would be relationship. i ran away from interviews i applied for. i ran away from my past being a problematic kid. i ran away from a friend who genuinely cares for me. i hurt her and i wanted my release from the prison she created for me inside her mind. i don't want to suffocate in somebody else's interpreted world. i want to be in my own world. making decisions my own way.

I don't want to deal with this. Anymore.

when i say i am an introvert, socially awkward, people say be more outspoken.

it is like telling an extrovert to be more quiet.

i hate the fact that, i am in middle of all this people and despite that i feel like i am alone. and everybody thinks it's okay to put aside my conceptions and put their notions, their conception on me and act as if it is their duty to protect me.

Start acting like an adult is the last thing i want to hear from them,

i am so mad.

and i pretend like i don't care.

but i am mad. and lost faith in friendship.

i am not cut out for this. i better live my own life with minimum social engagement. it only hurts to be a part of somebody's life only to find that they just treat me like their toys.